Wit and Humour from the Flatlands

Douchebag Merit Bags

2012-01-23T17:55:00.000+01:00

How many have you earned? Hand your bronzed, Axe-scented head in shame, good sir.

Via Pleated Jeans.

A Map of Woman's Heart: Rare Vintage Gem

2012-01-14T10:23:00.001+01:00

A Map of the Open Country of a Woman’s Heart was a map created by D. W. Kellogg circa 1833–1842, in the tradition of these maps of the human condition you might recall, subtitled “Exhibiting its internal communications, and the facilities and dangers to Travellers therein.

” Though it mostly depicts Woman as a sentimental, selfish, and superficial being driven by vanity, it places Love at the center of her heart, with Good Sense, Patience, and Prudence at its tip — or bottom, depending on the interpretation.

Robert Crumb: The Complete Record Cover Collection

2012-01-11T19:22:00.003+01:00

Music and comic book art are the two passions of Robert Crumb‘s creative life. In this video from W.W. Norton, Crumb talks about his obsessive interest in the old-time blues, folk and country music of the 1920s and 1930s. “I think it’s neurological,” he says. “Some quirky types of nervous systems are just attracted to that old music.”

As one of the pioneers of the underground comix movement in the late 1960s, Crumb’s work often related in some way to his love of music.

His famous “Keep on Truckin’” comic of 1968 was inspired by the lyrics of Blind Boy Fuller’s song, “Truckin’ My Blues Away.”

That same year Janis Joplin, who was singing with Big Brother & the Holding Company, asked Crumb to design the cover of the band’s album Cheap Thrills.

Since then, Crumb has designed hundreds of album covers and music posters. His new book, R. Crumb: The Complete Record Cover Collection, brings together all the covers and many related works.

The book contains portraits of famous artists like Robert Johnson and Woody Guthrie, along with works featuring obscure artists with names like “Ukelele Ike” and “Big John Wrencher and his Maxwell Street Blues Boys.”

There are also covers and posters made for Crumb’s own band, the Cheap Suit Serenaders.

Crumb is a banjo and mandolin player. One group he has sat in with in recent years is Eden & John’s East River String Band.

This video was directed by the group’s co-leader, John Heneghan, and includes appearances by himself and his partner Eden Brower. The video features the following songs:

“Sing Song Girl” by Leroy Sheild (1930)
“Some of these Days” by Cab Calloway (1930)
“Lindberg Hop” by the Memphis Jug Band (1928)
“Down On Me” by Eddie Head and His Family (1930)
“Chasin’ Rainbows” by R. Crumb and his Cheap Suit Serenaders (1976)
“Singing in the Bathtub” by R. Crumb and his Cheap Suit Serenaders (1978)
“So Sorry Dear” by Eden & John’s East River String Band, featuring R. Crumb

Facebook Page Shower Curtain

2012-01-11T14:27:00.001+01:00

For social networking geeks who find the only time they're not on Facebook or Twitter is when they are in the shower - this could be the ideal gift.

Spinning Hat's Facebook shower curtain features a transparent section so you can create a profile picture while scrubbing away.

The social shower curtain priced at £14.99 is up for reserve at www.spinninghat.com/product/social-shower-curtain

Picture: Spinning Hat/Rex Features

Dating Tips to Have Harmonious Relationship in 2012

2012-01-09T14:35:00.001+01:00

Another New Year has begun. This creates new energy to start afresh. This includes building better relationships.

What is relationship? It is said that relationship is the exchange of positive qualities.

It is an essential part of our life. Therefore to have a harmonious relationship is crucial.

We have tried our best to save relationships. We do this by trying to control and change others.

It is a reality that we cannot change anyone. However if I start to change this creates a positive impact on others.

Here are some friendly tips to have harmonious relationships.

Self: This is the first relationship that we have.Be gentle with yourself. Take time out to talk lovingly to yourself instead of feeling guilty when you commit a mistake. Never compare yourself to others. Stop criticizing yourself.

God: Create a silence space in your mind. Experiment listening to God.Learn to Meditate.

Family: Stop judging. In fact, one of the opposites of hate is judgment. More often than not, the negative things we know are merely our interpretations. Learn to accept your family members as they really are.

Partner: Learn not to have expectations. Understand that the other has his own life to live. No one belongs to you. Give a respectful space to them.

Friends: Listen more. Don't spend time with your friends complaining/gossiping about things/people. Have the aim to have a deeper kind of friendship.

Work: Value and enjoy your work. Give your best but never compete with your colleagues.

2012: How Times have Changed!

2012-01-08T17:58:00.000+01:00

Women Cycling through the ages!

2012-01-08T17:37:00.000+01:00

The following list of 41 don'ts for female cyclists was published in 1895 in the newspaper New York World by an author of unknown gender.

Equal parts amusing and appalling, the list is the best (or worst, depending on you look at it) thing since the Victorian map of woman's heart.

Don’t be a fright.
Don’t faint on the road.
Don’t wear a man’s cap.
Don’t wear tight garters.
Don’t forget your toolbag
Don’t attempt a “century.”
Don’t coast. It is dangerous.
Don’t boast of your long rides.
Don’t criticize people’s “legs.”
Don’t wear loud hued leggings.
Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”
Don’t refuse assistance up a hill.
Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit.
Don’t neglect a “light’s out” cry.
Don’t wear jewelry while on a tour.
Don’t race. Leave that to the scorchers.
Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
Don’t imagine everybody is looking at you.
Don’t go to church in your bicycle costume.
Don’t wear a garden party hat with bloomers.
Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars.
Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private.
Don’t wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing.
Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”
Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys.
Don’t go out after dark without a male escort.
Don’t without a needle, thread and thimble.
Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.”
Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down your back.
Don’t allow dear little Fido to accompany you
Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers.
Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know.
Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well.
Don’t overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor.
Don’t ignore the laws of the road because you are a woman.
Don’t try to ride in your brother’s clothes “to see how it feels.”
Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run.
Don’t cultivate everything that is up to date because yon ride a wheel.
Don’t emulate your brother’s attitude if he rides parallel with the ground.
Don’t undertake a long ride if you are not confident of performing it easily.
Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty.

Improving your Golf Swinging!

2012-01-06T20:38:00.000+01:00

Holy Mackerel!

2012-01-05T21:28:00.000+01:00

Credit to Terry Border at Bentobjects.blogspot.com/

Mother-in-Laws' Viewpoint!

2012-01-05T14:06:00.000+01:00

A popular viewpoint and picnic spot to take your mother-in-law to!

A tourist stands on a huge rock wedged more than 1,000 metres up between two cliff faces. The rock is known as the Kjeragbolten boulder and it is in the Kjerag mountains, in Norway.

Saying Goodbye to your Readers - Last Day Exuberance!

2012-01-05T13:50:00.000+01:00

Can I Back a Horse in Here!

2011-12-30T17:09:00.000+01:00

'.....but I'm a Horse Trainer!'

Irish traveller Joe Purcell has form when it comes to taking his pony to unusual places. The pair had previously been spotted together in a pub and at a hospital.

Purcell took things one step further when he attempted to board a train at Wrexham General station with his equine pal as bemused staff and passengers looked on.

OAPs and High Risk Behaviours!

2011-12-30T17:06:00.000+01:00

Prince Harry other car!

2011-12-30T17:01:00.002+01:00

Luxury Autos? Not for Pink!

2011-12-30T09:29:00.000+01:00

Jesus Toast everytime

2011-12-21T13:05:00.000+01:00

We've seen apparitions of Jesus on inanimate objects such as pieces of toast before, but this toaster ensures that every slice of toast features a burnt impression of Christ.

The product is the brainchild of Galen Diveley, founder of Burnt Impressions.

The Vermont-based firm has been deluged with orders in the seasonal period.

Galen explains on his website (www.burntimpressions.com): "The response to our toasters this Christmas season has been awesome! I was a short order cook but I have never been swamped this way before.

Your interest in our toasters has brought thousands of orders to our barn in a matter of days. We have called in family and friends who are working around the clock to process this mountain of toasters."
Picture: Rex Features

Young Ruler Measures up!

2011-12-21T12:59:00.000+01:00

The Clintons

2011-12-21T09:23:00.002+01:00

Harmless Weapons

2011-12-18T21:58:00.001+01:00

What House would be like if it were actually realistic

2011-12-18T21:55:00.001+01:00

An iPhone that supports flash

2011-12-18T21:50:00.001+01:00

The moral of the story

2011-12-18T21:48:00.001+01:00

Choosing a Bride

2011-12-18T21:42:00.000+01:00

Streaming Video

2011-12-18T21:39:00.000+01:00

That’s the last time we hire two architects

2011-12-18T21:32:00.001+01:00

Modern Santa

2011-12-18T21:28:00.001+01:00

Funny sign of the day - Danger!

2011-12-18T21:23:00.001+01:00

Beware of the force

2011-12-18T21:20:00.002+01:00

Click on the picture

"Dogs in Cars" - A Video by Keith Hopkin

2011-12-15T08:49:00.000+01:00

Dogs in Cars from keith on Vimeo.

Old Scottish Golfer - Lion Tamer

2011-12-14T12:42:00.000+01:00

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies,

"No problem, just get that lion out of there."

Baptising a Glaswegian

2011-12-11T18:56:00.000+01:00

A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Aye, I am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus my brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc

2011-12-11T18:45:00.000+01:00

Dilbert cartoon: Skype

2011-12-08T13:29:00.000+01:00

Paris at the Eiffel Tower

2011-11-30T20:19:00.000+01:00

Dilbert cartoon - Wally on meetings

2011-11-25T12:59:00.000+01:00

Inflation!

2011-11-25T08:34:00.000+01:00

Pass the hairdryer!

2011-11-20T11:53:00.000+01:00

MAD: A Few Minutes With Someone Funnier Than You: Al Jaffee - YouTube

2011-11-19T18:21:00.001+01:00

A few minutes with Mad Magazine's Al Jaffee

Purchase at: http://www.chroniclebooks.com/the-mad-fold-in-collection.html

Al Jaffee's fold-ins, on the inside back cover of virtually every issue of MAD Magazine since 1964, have become an icon of American humor.

Generations have grown up with Jaffee's inspired skewerings of our foibles and cultural conundrums.

Issue after issue, each Fold-in requires the reader to simply fold the page so that arrow A meets arrow B to reveal the hidden gag image, a simple idea that masks both undeniable artistic ingenuity and comic timing.

In this deluxe four-volume set, each of the 410 fold-ins is reproduced at its original size, with a digital representation of the corresponding "folded" image on the following page (so collectors won't have to "fold" their book to get the jokes).

Featuring insightful essays by such luminaries as Pixar's Pete Docter and humorist Jules Feiffer, The MAD Fold-In Collection is the definitive gift for the millions of fans who've grown up with MAD for nearly 60 years.

World’s Largest Illusive 3-D Pavement Painting [PHOTOS]

2011-11-19T16:31:00.001+01:00

Actors pose with gym equipment on what the Guinness World Records bills as the world's largest 3-D painting at Canary Wharf in London on Thursday.

Source: REUTERS/Paul Hackett.

Near Death experience - Boating Incident

2011-11-18T14:40:00.000+01:00

Blonde going Up on a Down Escalator!

2011-11-15T21:17:00.001+01:00

We're cracking up over this very determined shopper at Saks Fifth Avenue, who's desperately attempting to scale an escalator. Gee, what's taking her so long?

Upgrading from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0

2011-11-14T20:17:00.000+01:00

Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 ,Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to

Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony -Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application"Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 ..

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 .. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck

Tech Support

All Consuming Romance

2011-11-10T15:43:00.001+01:00

Click on the pic to see the action!

The Romance of Everyday Objects

2011-11-09T16:05:00.004+01:00

I like it when we Spoon!

A Toast to US!

Spending Quality time together!

Romantic Entanglement!

Stuck on You!

Film Strips can be Fun!

Delicious evening ahead!

You Always Fall Open at the Sexy Page!

I know it's Late but hold on!

I feel so attracted to you!

You re-light my Fire!

Can't take my die off of you!

We make the perfect Pair!

Breaking up is hard!

Growing old together!

In sickness and in Health!

You are the Wind beneath my Wings!

Don't fly too high but I'll be here if you fall!

Shed your skin!

Aircraft Maintenance Chat Sheets!

2011-11-08T19:12:00.001+01:00

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

(UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget

The farmer's tale!

2011-11-05T14:22:00.000+01:00

A farmer named Sid was overseeing his stock in a remote moorland pasture in North Yorkshire when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Sid looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the back of his car.

Then Sid says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're an IT Consultant", says Sid.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a flock of sheep. ...

Now give me back my effing dog!

Man and Wife

2011-11-05T14:19:00.000+01:00

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in bed.

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. You’re beautiful, I love you.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. You’re my headache, one day I'll kill you.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: marriage.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Carnation Milk - Best Slogan Competition winner

2011-11-05T14:16:00.000+01:00

Bodybuilder - joke

2011-11-05T14:13:00.000+01:00

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a Great chest you have!”

He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.”

He takes off his trousers and the blonde says, “What massive calves you have!” The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.”

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!”

Rubber duckie - YouTube

2011-11-05T13:34:00.000+01:00

Life is Scary - YouTube

2011-10-31T10:32:00.000+01:00

iPad Horror - Simon Pierro - YouTube

2011-10-31T08:39:00.000+01:00

Happy Hallowe'en!

Heidi Klum’s Coloured Hallowe'en Anatomy - video

2011-10-30T21:05:00.002+01:00

Heidi Klum is known for going all out for her favourite holiday, Halloween. This year she’s donning a hand-painted anatomical suit by designer Martin Izquierdo when she hosts a Halloween party at TAO Nightclub at the Venetian in Las Vegas.

If you watch the video, she says she wants it to look uber bloody and gory, but right now it looks more like everyone’s favourite anatomy colouring book.

To watch the transformation from Heidi to body click here.

Heidi Samuel (née Klum, born June 1, 1973), better known by her birth name Heidi Klum, is a German-American model, actress, television host, businesswoman, fashion designer, television producer, and occasional singer.

In 2008 she became an American citizen while maintaining her native German citizenship. She is married to English musician Seal with whom she shares the legal last name, Samuel.

Online dating: What not to say!

2011-10-30T14:10:00.000+01:00

You turn up for a first date. You like what you see, you’re feeling the body language… and then their mouth spills out a stream of passion-killing nonsense.

Here are some utterances that you really don’t want to hear on a first date.

1. “You look just like my older brother/sister.”

What, like an older version of yourself, but with middle-aged spread and controlling tendencies? Charmed.

2. “Don't take this the wrong way, but...”

These words tagged onto the front of a sentence mean: “I am about to insult you, and if you take it badly, it’s your fault.”

3. Any sentence in which they get your name wrong.

A blow too far for even the sturdiest dating ego.

4. “I love New York. We should definitely go there one day.”

Good to hear that someone likes you, not so good to hear them planning out your joint future when there’s still froth on your first pint.

5. “My mum would love you.”

Yeah that’s nice. ‘Bye.

6. “Not for me, I’m on the wagon.”

It’s honest and worthy of your date to admit that they’re a recovering alcoholic, but you didn’t want to hear it on a first date. Especially just before you order the double vodka that you’ve been looking forward to all day.

7. “No thanks, I’m too fat already.”

If they feel moved to say this on a first date, imagine how much they’ll bellyache about it once you’re seeing each other. Too much like hard work.

8. “Look at that baby! Aw ickle wickle schweeet.”

They’re just after your chromosomes.

9. Them answering their mobile.

You’ve had a drink and a chat, you’re now enjoying a romantic dinner, and it’s all going brilliantly – until their phone rings, and they answer it. Tell me, how invisible do you feel?

10. “The necklace? It was from my ex.”

They might as well be wearing a T-shirt that says: “I may be dating you, but I cry into my pillow about my ex every night.”

11. “What are you thinking about?”

No-one wants to be asked this question without warning, especially on a first date. It’s impossible to answer honestly, because you’re probably thinking about the itch on your foot or the weird hinge on the table.

12. “Oh sorry, I forgot my purse.”

They’ll only think to say this when the bill comes, of course. Run for the hills, and take your wallet with you.

13. “My therapist said…”

Did you meet them at your support group? That’s OK then.

14. “You don’t watch soaps, do you?”

It’s not nice to have your tastes criticised, especially by someone you’ve only known for 20 minutes. Such comments deserve a glass of wine in the face.

15. “Waiter? Get me your manager, I’m reporting you.”

Being rude to a waiter or barman is one of the rudest and most embarrassing things a date can do to you. Get your own back by running off with the waiter.

16. “Come onnn, it’s only midnight! I know this great little place…”

Sadly, this companion has not mastered the art of leaving you wanting more.

Online dating mistakes: Eating!

2011-10-30T14:08:00.000+01:00

Dating is a road fraught with potential disasters. Here are a choice few… and tips on how to avoid them.

Case 1: Chopstick horror
“A guy I was dating took me to a really up-market Chinese restaurant in London. When the food arrived I noticed there was no cutlery just chopsticks. I’m not good with those at the best of times but was too embarrassed to ask for a fork so I thought I’d just muddle through."

"Big mistake! In one ill-fated big pincer movement I managed to catapult my wonton dumpling into a bowl of fish soup belonging to the woman sat at the next table along. She was wearing white and was not impressed. The shame!”

NB: It’s better to swallow your pride and ask for a fork than to spend the meal terrified that you’re going to make an idiot of yourself. Most restaurants will happily oblige and it could save you a large dry cleaning bill.

Case 2: Clockwatching
“I’m 32 and went on a blind date with a guy in his forties. We seemed to be hitting it off pretty well but then out of the blue he blurted out “Aren’t you worried about your biological clock. If you’re going to have kids, you don’t want to waste any time. Tick tock, tick tock.”

"I couldn’t believe it. How rude to assume that all any woman wants to do is have kids. How would he have liked it if I said “Aren’t you worried about finding a life partner before losing all your hair?” Grrrr! We didn’t’ see each other again. ”

NB: Of course you can’t predict or control what comes out of your date’s mouth but you can ensure that you’re not the one making inappropriate comments. It is never okay to ask a woman of any age a question like that.

Case 3: Boy scout doubt
“My friend Stewart arranged to meet a girl he’d been chatting to online. His dating profile is a picture of himself in full ski-gear including bobble hat and goggles taken from a distance. He also may have lied slightly about his height."

"He noticed an attractive blonde woman scouting her way around the bar trying to work out which was her date. She eventually came over to him and said ‘If you’re Stewart? I’m afraid I don’t think this is going to work out.’ And promptly left!”

NB: Both parties are at fault here. The first rule of online dating is not to lie on your profile especially about fundamental things such as age and height. Profile pictures should also be close up and not enhanced or obscured in any way.

Also, when dating you should abide by the rule book and do as you would be done by. Even though Stewart was not what his date had anticipated he deserved the courtesy of at least one drink together.

Case 4: One too many
“I could tell my date was drunk when we met. She was slurring her words and reeked of booze. She confessed that she had been really nervous about meeting me and had a quick few drinks before meeting up. She did seem really nice though and I thought it was quite sweet she was nervous."

"We decide to go to a restaurant as I figured food might help her sober up a bit. After ordering she promptly excused herself and disappeared to the toilets. She was gone for so long I figured she’d probably done a runner and comforted myself by eating both our starters."

"Eventually one of the waitresses came over to ask if I was the boyfriend of the girl being sick in the toilets. It was awkward, but I had to go in there, hold her hair back while she chucked her guts up and then clean her up and put her in a cab home. I never heard from her again. A shame really as I could tell that behind the drunkenness was probably a very nice girl.”

NB: Alcohol before a date is a terrible idea. If you must drink to steady your nerves stick to one drink and alternate between alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages.

Case 5: Spaghetti malfunction
“I made the classic malfunction as a teenager of ordering spaghetti on a date. A dish that it’s impossible to eat looking even remotely elegant whilst eating and I was wearing a white top and managed to splash sauce all over it too.”

NB: No matter how tempted, try to order food that’s easy to eat. Dates are nerve-wracking enough without adding to the stress with food that’s tricky to manoeuvre.

Online dating safety tips: Don't give it away, too soon!

2011-10-30T14:02:00.000+01:00

Habits, traits and behaviours that could be repelling potential matches and hampering your chances of finding love.

Revealing your romantic agenda too early
Seeming overly eager to pin down the ins and outs of the relationship after only a couple of dates, can be especially off-putting - particularly for men who generally prefer to take things slower. You may be in a rush to fall in love, settle down and have babies, but having the “Where is this going?” talk before you’ve had a proper chance to get to know each other is foolhardy and practically guaranteed to scare off any potential mates. Be prepared to give it some time before broaching this delicate subject.

Being stingy
It’s never prudent to live beyond your means and go on dates to clubs, bars, restaurants and other venues you can’t afford but picking the cheapest place and then producing a 2 for 1 voucher deal (especially on a first date) is a definite no-no. Sure you might save a tenner but it’ll cost you in the long run. Do you really want your date to think you’re a cheap skate? The man is usually expected to pick up the bill, but that doesn’t mean that ladies shouldn’t at least offer to pay or go halves. Avoid being seen as someone who never puts their hand in their pocket to pay for anything. Never let your date to feel as though they’re being taken advantage of financially.

Seeming too independent
Now here’s a funny one. Have you ever considered that you might seem so damn together that you’re way too intimidating to approach? Prospective partners could be feeling challenged by your all-round success and fabulousness. If you earn your own money, have your own place, drive your own car and live what seems a very full life they probably can’t see how or where they’d fit into your life. So it’s up to you to show them that you still have room for a fulfilling and lasting relationship too. That means letting them see your vulnerable side from time to time.

Bad body language
If you’re guilty of not making eye contact, hunching your shoulders and having your head bowed, you’re giving off all the wrong signals to a prospective mate. Your body language is literally screaming “I’m shy, nervous and awkward and really don’t’ want to be here.” Even if that’s how you’re feeling on the inside, it’s possible to trick yourself in to behaving and feeling more confident. First up smile and make eye contact. Secondly, draw those shoulders back and lift your chin. See, you look more confident already. Remember to breathe.

Always being late
Nobody is going to mind too much if you’re a few minutes late once in a while because of a missed bus or other unavoidable mishap, but recurrent lateness is likely to annoy your anyone you’ve been seeing for a while. Not being able to get it together to just be somewhere on time reveals a host of negative qualities that most people would prefer to avoid. Firstly it shows a lack of organisational skills and secondly it shows a lack of regard for the person whose time it is you’re wasting. So either buy a watch and get it together or risk letting Mr/Miss Perfect slip through your fingers. The choice is yours.

Not listening
You may have a lot to say and be keen to talk about yourself as much as possible in order to convey everything there is to know about you in as much detail as possible as soon as possible. But remember it’s important to ask questions and listen too. Not many people enjoy one-sided conversations where they’re forced to just sit and listen to another person bang on and on and on and on and on. If you want the relationship to work, take a break from all the “me me me” anecdotes and allow your date to tell you about themselves too. You might learn something.

Don't fart in Harrods.

2011-10-30T14:00:00.000+01:00

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'What is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

The Motoring Traffic Signs

2011-10-30T13:58:00.000+01:00

Hungry Canibal joke

2011-10-30T10:19:00.000+01:00

A cannibal was walking through the jungle

And came upon a restaurant operated by a

Fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu....

+ Tourist: $8.00

+Broiled Missionary: $10.00

+Fried Explorer: $12.50

+Baked Politician $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,

"Why such a high price for the politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."

Rent A Mob

2011-10-28T10:50:00.000+02:00

Venn diagrams and the Animal Kingdom

2011-10-23T10:29:00.000+02:00

DLR Portal: FAQ on ROSAT mission

2011-10-23T00:00:00.000+02:00

Since its launch on 1 June 1990, friction due to Earth's upper atmosphere has been causing the X-ray satellite ROSAT to lose altitude continuously.

When the spacecraft re-enters the atmosphere, which is expected to occur in October 2011, the satellite will disintegrate and most of the fragments will burn up in the extreme heat caused by atmospheric friction.

This FAQ provides answers to the most common questions about the ROSAT mission and its re-entry.

Husky Dog Talking - " I love you " - YouTube

2011-10-22T17:42:00.000+02:00

Meet Mishka, the Dog Who Can Say “I Love You - Cesar Milan Cesar's Way!

David Bowie "Space Oddity" Animation

2011-10-22T10:22:00.001+02:00

Space Oddity from Andrew Ruttan on Vimeo.

When animator Andrew Ruttan caught sight of Andrew Kolb’s illustrated interpretation of David Bowie’s classic song Space Oddity he immediately knew what he wanted to do.

He emailed Kolb and asked if he could animate his illustrations. Here is the result, so there is no need to tell you that the answer was in the affirmative. I had immense fun wallowing in nostalgia and enjoying this not for profit animated short.

This is such a very cool 'collaboration' of three artists (two Andrews and a David!) working in three different spheres but bringing forth a complete whole.

Of course, Mr Bowie may not be aware of this latest take on his timeless song but I would like to think that he would approve.

It is still (happily) available on itunes to download so perhaps a whole new generation can now discover the mystique and marvel of Major Tom.

We got your Number - 1,000th Pickpocket Arrested

2011-10-19T19:55:00.002+02:00

A pickpocket who was the 1,000th to be arrested by a special police team in Amsterdam will not be prosecuted because she was humiliated and traumatised enough by the celebrating officers, the public prosecution department said on Wednesday.

The police fixed a sign saying '1000' to the back of the woman's coat, which was captured on video and broadcast by a local television station.

A spokesman for the city police force has described the action as 'extremely inappropriate'.

The Assumption Song - YouTube

2011-10-19T19:43:00.001+02:00

Thinking of Creativity - Hold a meeting - Cartoon

2011-10-19T14:35:00.000+02:00

UK Unemployment at Record High Levels

2011-10-16T17:44:00.000+02:00

UK Conservatism - No room for Honest men

2011-10-16T17:28:00.000+02:00

Theatre of the Absurd in Moscow

2011-10-16T17:26:00.002+02:00

Steve Jobs - His Vision

2011-10-16T17:09:00.000+02:00

RIM Blackberry outage - Consumer's view

2011-10-16T16:51:00.002+02:00

Assination of Enemies

2011-10-16T16:49:00.000+02:00

Street workers Build themselves into a corner

2011-10-13T20:32:00.000+02:00

Edinburgh street workers erected bollards to prevent cars from mounting the pavement but forgot to move their van first.

They had to demolish one of the poles to get out!

Smurf Art - Begging

2011-10-13T20:04:00.000+02:00

Simon's Cat: Let me In! - YouTube

2011-10-13T11:51:00.000+02:00

More of Simon's Cat on YouTube

The way you hold your drink reveals key personality traits

2011-10-09T08:59:00.002+02:00

Dr Glenn Wilson, a consultant psychologist at King's College, London, observed over 500 drinkers in bars last month.

He analysed drinkers' body language and then advised on their openness to being approached.

He has categorised them as the 'Flirt', 'Gossip', 'Fun-Lover', 'Wallflower', 'Ice Queen', 'Playboy', 'Jack the Lad' and 'Browbeater'.

He said the most open to being chatted up were "the flirt, the playboy, and the funlover". Harder to crack are the jack the lad, the ice queen, the wallflower and the gossip. The browbeater should be avoided.

Dr Wilson said: "The simple act of holding a drink displays a lot more about us than we realise – or might want to divulge.

1. The Flirt: Usually a woman, who holds her glass with dainty, splayed fingers and uses it in a provocative way. She may position it over her cleavage so as to draw attention to her attributes or peer over the rim to make eye contact when taking a sip.

She may "tease" the rim of the glass with her finger, perhaps dipping it into the drink and sucking it dry. Assuming her agenda is appealing, the best way to approach is with reciprocal flirtatious gestures.

Celebrities: Jordan, Paris Hilton, Kate Walsh (from The Apprentice)

2. The Gossip: This (mainly female) drinker tends to cluster in all-female groups talking about other people, and can be critical. She holds a wine glass by the bowl and uses it to gesticulate and make points in conversation.

She is inclined to lean over her drink, in towards others so as to speak confidentially. This person already has a close-knit social group with little inclination to extend it, therefore advances from outsiders are not usually welcome.

Celebrities: Kate Moss, Sadie Frost.

3. The Fun-lover: This type of drinker may be a man or a woman, who drinks to be sociable and values togetherness. A convivial individual, he / she enjoys being with their friends, and likes a laugh.

Swigs taken from bottled drinks are short, so they don't miss out on chipping in with the conversation. The bottle is held loosely at its shoulder for ease. This type of person is always happy to extend their social circle.

The best way to approach them therefore is to leap directly into light, good-humoured conversation and make them laugh.

Celebrities: Sarah Harding, Helen Chamberlain (from Soccer AM)

4. The Wallflower: This is a shy, submissive individual who holds the glass protectively, not letting go, as though afraid somebody will take it away. Palms are kept hidden and the glass is used as a social crutch – the drink is never quite finished, with a mouthful left in case of emergency.

The drink is small (maybe half a pint of lager for a man). It may be drunk through a straw, which is fidgeted with, and used to stir the drink between sips. The style and pace of drinking is an echo of those around them (very little is initiated).

This individual needs to be approached in a gentle, sensitive way, with perhaps a few understated compliments to build self-confidence, but may eventually warm to overtures.

Celebrities: Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman

5. The Ice-queen: This is a mainly female type whose natural style is cold and defensive. She drinks from a wine glass, or a short glass, which is held firmly in a barrier position across the body so as to deter intimate approaches.

It is usually a waste of time approaching this woman; she may be ready with a castrating put-down.

Celebrities: Victoria Beckham, Debra Barr (from The Apprentice)

6. The Playboy: This man is the active, self-confident, Don Juan-type seducer. He uses his (usually long) glass or bottle as a phallic prop, playing with it suggestively. He is inclined to be possessive, and can be tactile with his female companions.

Celebrities: Russell Brand, David Walliams

7. The Jack the Lad: This "peacock" is conscious of his image and will drink a bottled beer, or cider. Inclined to be confident and arrogant, he can be territorial in his gestures, spreading himself over as much space as possible, for example, pushing the glass well away from himself and leaning back in his chair.

If he's drinking with his mates, he would be unlikely to welcome approaches from outside the group, unless sycophantic and ego-enhancing.

Celebrities: Peter Andre, David Cameron, Jason Statham. The "ladette" (e.g. Lily Allen) is a female approximation to this male archetype.

8. The Browbeater: This rather pugnacious type is again mostly male. He prefers large glasses, or bottles, which he uses as symbolic weapons, firmly grasped, and gesticulating in a threatening, "in the face" kind of way.

Something of a know-it-all, he comes across as slightly hostile, even if only through verbal argument, or jokes targeted at others. He should be approached with great care, or not at all.

Celebrities: John Prescott, Russell Crowe (with Naomi Campbell as a female equivalent), Gordon Brown.

Queen & Duke of Edinburgh break wind

2011-10-06T10:26:00.000+02:00

Irish Coalminer art

2011-09-29T09:43:00.000+02:00

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

He went on to say 'In fact, some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?', asked the couple.
'Because I am the artist who painted the picture,' he replied.

'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coalminers. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

How the Fight Started!

2011-09-29T09:37:00.001+02:00

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
______________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time,
simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
i took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
________________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.......
________________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started.

Tom Selleck's Moustache has a supporting part - YouTube

2011-09-20T17:38:00.001+02:00

Darth Vader's voice over in Famous Movies

2011-09-19T19:55:00.001+02:00

6 Ways to Kill an Iconic Rabbit

2011-09-10T10:51:00.002+02:00

Chinese Torture

Sudden Drop

Time-Based Art

Hi-Tech Solution

Sporting Chance

Pirate's Revenge

Heath Robinson or Jackass Arrangement

Dating tips: Manners and respect

2011-09-04T11:05:00.001+02:00

The sad lack of manners in everyday life presents an opportunity for single men who are actively seeking a partner. A falling level of civility leaves chivalrous exceptions prominently on display. The courteous gentleman is a match any lady would love to catch.

Manners
No one wants to be treated with anything less than thoughtfulness. The guy who exerts himself to consider what would please his date and then strives to deliver is sure to make a favourable impression. Here are a few tips to convince your date that she's found her Prince Charming.

1. Show respect
This is the universal rule of the polite. All other tips are just permutations of this one.

2. Listen
Pay attention to what she says, and take it to heart. When she says she's allergic to dust mites, vacuum before she comes to your place for drinks. If she says she likes Italian food, rent Big Nighton DVD and invite her over for pasta.

3. Be on time
Making her wait implies that her time is less valuable than yours is.

4. Be generous
I'm not talking money here. Give freely of your praise.

5. Be reliable
A gentleman's word is his bond. If you say you're going to call, call.

6. Be courteous
After a charming date with a young lady, always follow up with a card or a message saying how much you enjoyed your evening. It will make you so different and more memorable from the other men and isn't that what you want!

TV's Andy Levy Apologizes To Chris Brown And His Fans - YouTube

2011-09-02T08:56:00.001+02:00

Vivian Stanshall - Crank (Part One) - YouTube

2011-08-24T10:52:00.003+02:00

Vivian Stanshall - Crank (Part Three) - YouTube

2011-08-24T10:52:00.002+02:00

Vivian Stanshall - Crank (Part Two) - YouTube

2011-08-24T10:50:00.001+02:00

Rawlinson's End - YouTube

2011-08-24T10:35:00.001+02:00

Haunted by previous lives?

2011-08-23T20:30:00.000+02:00

Deception: Hide in Plain Site

2011-08-23T20:25:00.001+02:00

The Perfect Girlfriend - YouTube

2011-08-23T14:45:00.000+02:00

SETI: Private Donors help re-open mothballed telescopes

2011-08-17T08:18:00.002+02:00

Telescopes looking for extra terrestrial intelligence should re-open within weeks after donors replaced income lost in public funding cuts.

The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) Institute, had to shut the $30m (£18.3m) Allen Telescope Array in April.

Donors, including actress Jodie Foster, raised more than $200,000 (£122,000).

The 42 radio telescopes, in northern California, search space for potential signals from alien life forms.
Ms Foster was one of more than 2,400 people who contributed to the fund to save the Allen Telescope Array.

She played the lead role of an astronomer looking for evidence of aliens in the 1997 film Contact.
Science Fiction into Science Fact

In a statement on the fund-raising website she explained her support: "The Allen Telescope Array could turn science fiction into science fact but only if it is actively searching the skies."

Another donor was the Apollo 8 astronaut, Bill Anders.

The SETI Institute says the fund should be enough to keep the telescopes operating until the end of the year, though the plan is still dependent on the institute receiving money from the US Air Force to track space debris that could damage satellites.

SETI Institute Astronomer Seth Shostak told BBC News, the deal with the Air Force is not yet done but he said he is fairly confident it will go through. Even then the money will need to be ratified by Congress and so there may be a delay. He hopes the array will re-open in September or October.

Thomas Pierson, SETI chief executive, agreed that a deal with the Air Force, combined with the donations, should allow the array to start listening for space chatter once again.

Donors help re-open mothballed telescopes searching for ET

Remarkable Coraline Stop motion video /gif

2011-08-16T22:44:00.000+02:00

Click on picture to play

Hasa Diga Eebowai - YouTube Video

2011-08-14T11:57:00.000+02:00

Ultimate Photographer's Wedding Ring

2011-08-13T12:50:00.000+02:00

When Matthew Harrison got married recently, he was given the awesome gift of a f/.95 Noctilux ring: "As is tradition, the bride and groom exchanged gifts prior to the wedding.

While Matthew purchased Emily the watch that she had always wanted.

Emily commissioned a custom ring for Matthew’s shooting hand (as opposed to for his wedding band).

This one of a kind band has the depth of field scale from his favorite lens, the .95 Noctilux. On the sides, the ring features both Matthew’s name and The Leica Guy moniker on one side, and the Lens information including name, filter size, and serial number on the other.

The ring was commissioned and made by jeweler Gaelen in British Columbia, Canada, from handmade engagement rings.

A knitted R2D2 sweater

2011-08-13T12:45:00.001+02:00

Etsy-er Erica Schoenberger combined her love of knitting with her love of Star Wars. The result?

This awesome R2D2 sweater. This is the droid you’re looking for!

Via Neatorama.

Wacky Motorcycle helmets

2011-08-12T19:16:00.000+02:00

The company is now hoping to find a firm to manufacture them. Designer Renat Abdrakhmanov explains: "The project with helmets was initiated as a creative experiment; we tried to do something different than ordinary advertising, just for fun, for ourselves and for potential clients.

There are no real helmets yet, just the design. But once it became clear that hundreds of thousands people showed interest in the product we started thinking about production.

We have so far got proposals requesting rights for production in US and Japan."

Picture: good.kz / Rex Features

Contact lenses fitted with real diamonds and gold.

2011-08-12T19:10:00.000+02:00

Want to make your eyes really sparkle? A company is offering contact lenses fitted with real diamonds and gold.

Dubbed 'eye jewellery', the bling eyewear sees 18 diamonds studded onto an 18-carat gold plate on a special lens.

Created by Shekhar Eye Research in Mumbai, the 'La SER' brand lenses can be custom-made at a cost of $15,000 a pair in four designs of diamonds on white gold, diamonds on yellow gold, or just gold or yellow gold.

Picture: Chandrashekhar Chawan / Rex Features

cows & cows & cows - YouTube

2011-08-12T18:50:00.000+02:00