Monday, May 5, 2014
Scottish Golf, Whisky and long life
Scottish Golf and Whisky...
An 80-year-old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor was amazed at what good shape the old fellow was in and asked: "How do you stay in such great physical condition?'
I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee glass of whisky, and that's it."
"Well,' said the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there has to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"
"Who said my Dad died?"
The doctor was amazed. "You mean you are 80 years old and your Dad is still alive. How old is he?"
"He is 100 years old," said the old Scottish golfer.
"Well," the doctor said, "that's great, but I am sure there is more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my Grandad is dead?"
"He is 118 years old," said the old Scottish golfer.
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point: "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandad couldnae go this mornin' because he is getting married today"
At this point the doctor was close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old bloke want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
Friday, March 7, 2014
CIA Interview
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair...kill her!!! The man said, You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.
The agent said, Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home. The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. This gun was loaded with blanks she said, I had to kill him with the chair!
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair...kill her!!! The man said, You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.
The agent said, Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home. The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. This gun was loaded with blanks she said, I had to kill him with the chair!
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