It has always been the pinnacle of sportswomen and men to be chosen for the Olympics. The best of the best, the fastest, strongest most determined athletes in the world, allegedly. I have a great deal of admiration and a twinge of envy for all, up-to and over, achievers, in the competitive worlds in which we rush about in and embrace.
Having said that, I am not a big spectator of sports. It is a poor substitute for active participation. I was puzzled as to why other spectator activities were not held in such high regard e.g. dancing. This was a well attended spectator sport when I was a younger creature and many an evening was spent, like a ghekko on the wall watching the 'game' play out. Unfortunately, one always went home with the feeling that the home 'team' had been soundly beaten again. But now, thanks to the wonders of TV watching, (one of the greatest spectator 'activities' ever) we find that Coming to Dance is once more a spectator's sport. This time the situation is less personal and more abstract. So one can enjoy the drama, win draw or lose it.
Let me drag your thoughts back screaming and kicking against the memories of the tragic past, to the chosen topic of success at the Olympics. I would like to give you a gift. A valued treasure that will raise you up above the rest and bring you the accolades, envy and admiration of all kinds (women and men). I can tell you how to take the fast track to being an Olympic contender.
Clearly there are many ways known to me as to how you can achieve greater glory with lesser effort but this one I will share for free. Picture in your tormented mind the cold icy slopes of the Alps or any other similar region that evokes an arduous wintry scene for you. This excludes the well dressed windows of your neighbourhood high street shops at Xmas and any felled conifer tree that has been ceremoniously propped up and sprayed by white glittering paint.
One thing among many that you will not see on the wintry slopes is the bob-sleigh. They reek havoc amongst the skiiers and snowboarders by going straight downhill like an earth-bound rocket. There would be a high casualty list especially at the designated end of the run, where it impacts something(s) immovable and all energy is disipated in the form of heat, light and screaming. Very bad for tourism commerce.
For some of the reasons considered, the bob-sleigh is confined to a twisting winding icy track with high side walls to contain it. These walls also lessen the chance of it becoming airborne, which would immediately disqualify it from the race. Not to mention the damage to all on board as they take a tree-top canopy tour of the adjacent forest, albeit briefly. As with many airlines, its not the flight that is the issue, it is the landing. This is in no way a reflection on KLM pilots' abilities to drop an aircraft suddenly onto the tarmac of any international airport, alledgedly.
My interest is with the aptly named 4-man Bob. No, this is not a male singing group that specialise in close harmony. This is a team of 4 men who get to push the bob-sleigh onto the icy track and ride it all the way to the designated finish line. This team consists of 1 man steering Bob the sleigh, 1 man trying to brake Bob and what I can only describe as 2 passengers in the middle, who after pushing, running and jumping into Bob have no further function. Unless you consider carrying Bob to and from the track as an olympian feat.
So it is here that I offer you the opportunity to become an Olympian as a passenger on a 4-man bob-sleigh. The qualifications seem vague bit I believe pushing, running, jumping and being a good passenger or spectator is paramount. Perhaps another consideration is how well you could get away with wearing lycra in the sub-zero temperatures of the Alps. Unless you consider frostbite as the new black, its unlikely to be a true fashion statement.
So this is the sparkling pearl of wisdom that I share with you today and the rest is up to you. Work hard train well and one day you could be 1 man, woman or child in a 4-man Bob. A passenger above the rest, an Olympian champion passenger. Let it slide and don't brake too much!
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