If you're thinking about joining a speed dating event and don't wish to end up going home with just a heart full of disappointment and a greasy kebab for company, here's some important etiquette advice you need to know.
Listen and respond
Many women rate 'not listening' as one of the biggest irritants of the night and a definite reason for marking a guy down.
Not listening and failing to pay attention are the cardinal sins of speed dating
See it from the woman's side; 'One guy didn't listen to a word I said. He just kept going on about my beautiful eyes and mouth and looked me up and down like he was assessing a prize heifer for market. After two minutes he told me his mother would love me. Another just stared at my breasts for most of the time".
Condescending rhetoric
Women enjoy their freedom and independence, if suggesting a girl meets your mother sounds too creepy, then acting over protective and intrusive, like her 'mum', is a definite no-no that is guaranteed to have any self respecting girl run a mile.
"One guy spent three minutes quizzing me about how much and how often I drank! Obviously he was either an ex-alcoholic or divorced from one! A second guy gave me a lecture about smoking as if I was a 12-year-old. He was very irritating and it said a lot about his personality".
Avoid Flippancy
There's no doubt that being thrown into the speed dating bearpit can be a daunting prospect, especially if you're being judged by a load of total strangers. Not everyone enjoys that and some can become evasive and protective. They try to adopt a nonchalant attitude - but fail miserably.
"One guy sat down and told me he was married with kids and just there for a bet as if it was just a laugh. Which told me instantly that he was an annoying time-waster. If a guy is trying to be 'cool' by swivelling around in his chair or chewing gum, that just tells me he's a prize plonker with no self awareness".
Arrogance isn't cool
Maybe all the emailing and social network chat encourages some men to develop more arrogance than a 70s TV cop in a Ford Capri? It's one thing to be a cocky goof on a website but to be equally so in the flesh is a faux pas beyond redemption.
"One particularly brazen guy blew it when he basically sat down and said "So when are we going out then?" That took me aback. He then cornered me during the break so no one else could get a look in and then swooped once the whole event was over. He wasn't particularly attractive but his boldness was. Some girls like that sort of nonsense but is it worth the risk?"
Manners maketh the man
Beware cringe-making behaviour from guys who are totally incapable of sincerity. Even if you are as shallow as an ink well, at least pretend to be interested in all of the ladies.
"I've seen guys not interested in the girl they are chatting to but who can't wait to talk to the next girl who they really are attracted to! It must be a kick in the guts for the girl to be made to feel she is second best. In one session some girls had to sit in a group of three and had three guys sit down at their table at each rotation. One girl was obviously beautiful and all the guys ignored the other two and directed all their attention towards only one girl".
Too much dutch courage
The prospect of being faced by dozens of girls all sizing you up in terms of looks, sexiness and whether you're solvent or not isn't the kind of arena for unconfident souls. Who could blame guys for having the odd pint or two? But there's a fine line between appearing cheerily merry and coming across as the local drunk.
"Most important thing is not to slur your words. Most people get to a venue and then have a couple of drinks for dutch courage. The problem is that when you are doing the rounds you drink pretty quickly because of nerves...and that's what leads to embarrassing situations like spilling drinks or saying inappropriate things".
Watch where you're gawping
Some guys have a natural tendency to lower their eyes to the chest area, particularly if a pendulous rack is on display and purposely designed to grab attention but in a speed dating situation this is a trap. It shows a lack of PC sensitivity and isn't going to look good on your scorecard. Make sure you make eye contact.
Personal hygiene
This has to be up there with such no-no's as having your flies undone. We've all experienced the death rays of body odour on the tube or train that almost requires smelling salts to recover. Nothing will turn a girl off more than a whiff of stale breath and the kind of underarm stench that suggests you're allergic to soap and shower gel.
"Make sure you have a mint or a mini mouthwash beforehand. Some guys just can't smell their own breath and it's especially important if you've been eating spicy or garlic-tainted food all day. Because you are sitting in close proximity to the girls this really is essential".
Sad personality
There's no denying that some guys will use anything to pull on the heart strings either by making out that their gerbil is dying of cancer, or that they were brought up in a care home. But an over the top disaster story is more likely to set a girl's internal alarm bells ringing.
Some of the women interviewed admitted to be taken in with a 'genuine' sob story because "if a guy is emoting like that with a sad story, it's probably true". However, one turn-off is to come across as needy. Most women today may like the idea of a man who is in touch with his sensitive side but they don't want to feel they're looking after an emotional dependent.
Potty mouth
One major point to emphasise is to make sure you mind your language, no matter how liberal you may think the women may be. "Be careful with the swearing.
Even if the girl is apt to a little potty mouthing herself, it's about showing respect on that first date. At the end of the day you're meant to be persuading the girl how charming and sophisticated you are - even if it's just an act.
A guy who is funny, interesting and can string a sentence together without resorting to an expletive every four words is more likely to get ticked on the scorecard.
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