Witty lines about ambiguity and idiosyncrasies of the English language

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of the english language

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...... floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? (Creationist joke and the main basis of their argument)

4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. (Creepy paedo joke going around the BBC?)

5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

6. Is there another word for synonym?

7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are they afraid someone will break-in and clean them?

10. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

11. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

12. How is it possible to have a civil war?

13. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

15. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

16. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? (only available in the usa)

17. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

18. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

19. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? (Yes, cos insurance companies don't pay out! Also in multiple deity societies do you have to specify in the claim which God performed the destructive act?)

20. Why do shops have signs, 'guide dogs only', the dogs can't read and their owners are blind? (The signs are Marmite scented, allegedly. Also, I was once invited to a deaf persons disco night! They really did get the vibes!)

21. Can deaf people suffer from Synesthesia? (One for the geeks!)

The Manslater: (Woman Language Translator) - YouTube

The woman language translator. Finally the power to understand what she means.

Created for the Relationship Rehab series at http://centralchristian.com.

You Get what you Ordered

A new fuel tanker arrives on location somewhere in the Middle East. The HSE manager tells the fleet supervisor to ensure that the tanker is clearly labeled "Diesel Fuel" and "No Smoking" in Arabic.

 This is what he got...............

Time of the Signs - Have you been here?

Yup! Been there many times!

Give way! or give away!

This doesn't add up! but if you add 4+6+6+3 you get 19 and 1+9=10, which can be added together to get 1, which is a Prime number.

Also if you add up 562(4), 2150 (8) and 1951(7) in the same way you get 19 again, which can be further reduced to 1, in the same way that 4663 can be!

So There! I don't know what it means, they started it!

I have no idea! Some kind of word puzzle with a sinister love hate triangle, with a serial killer sub-plot?

Good for wives but bad for drummers and heart patients!

Good sound advice, if you are talking about the daylight hours or can tell colour differences when being hotly pursued by an angry snarling bear beast!

Can also bad news for coiffures and fashionistas! "It wasn't so much Brown as Chocolate with earth tone highlights and the Black was more Charcoal with Slate and Shale shadows! Anyway I could never run in these heels! They're Jummy Choo's not Nike! Daaarling! "