Technology and the elderly

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the thirty-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures, an d communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great-grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue Tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden questioning about carrier bags, "Paper or plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but I do toot a lot."

Senior citizens don't need anymore gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all they can handle.

American Daily Humour

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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

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I stopped at Mc Donald’s and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said “would you like some fries with that?”

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*One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Estate agent which direction was north because
He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
And has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving'.

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage
area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.

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A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

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A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.. Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

Pink Poodle or Cotton Candy?

Harry Potter and the Role Reversal

Harry Potter main character’s Hermione’s face on Ron’s body and vice versa.

Douchebag Merit Bags

How many have you earned? Hand your bronzed, Axe-scented head in shame, good sir.

Via Pleated Jeans.

A Map of Woman's Heart: Rare Vintage Gem

A Map of the Open Country of a Woman’s Heart was a map created by D. W. Kellogg circa 1833–1842, in the tradition of these maps of the human condition you might recall, subtitled “Exhibiting its internal communications, and the facilities and dangers to Travellers therein.

” Though it mostly depicts Woman as a sentimental, selfish, and superficial being driven by vanity, it places Love at the center of her heart, with Good Sense, Patience, and Prudence at its tip — or bottom, depending on the interpretation.

Robert Crumb: The Complete Record Cover Collection

Music and comic book art are the two passions of Robert Crumb‘s creative life. In this video from W.W. Norton, Crumb talks about his obsessive interest in the old-time blues, folk and country music of the 1920s and 1930s. “I think it’s neurological,” he says. “Some quirky types of nervous systems are just attracted to that old music.”

As one of the pioneers of the underground comix movement in the late 1960s, Crumb’s work often related in some way to his love of music.

His famous “Keep on Truckin’” comic of 1968 was inspired by the lyrics of Blind Boy Fuller’s song, “Truckin’ My Blues Away.”

That same year Janis Joplin, who was singing with Big Brother & the Holding Company, asked Crumb to design the cover of the band’s album Cheap Thrills.

Since then, Crumb has designed hundreds of album covers and music posters. His new book, R. Crumb: The Complete Record Cover Collection, brings together all the covers and many related works.

The book contains portraits of famous artists like Robert Johnson and Woody Guthrie, along with works featuring obscure artists with names like “Ukelele Ike” and “Big John Wrencher and his Maxwell Street Blues Boys.”

There are also covers and posters made for Crumb’s own band, the Cheap Suit Serenaders.

Crumb is a banjo and mandolin player. One group he has sat in with in recent years is Eden & John’s East River String Band.

This video was directed by the group’s co-leader, John Heneghan, and includes appearances by himself and his partner Eden Brower. The video features the following songs:

1. “Sing Song Girl” by Leroy Sheild (1930)
2. “Some of these Days” by Cab Calloway (1930)
3. “Lindberg Hop” by the Memphis Jug Band (1928)
4. “Down On Me” by Eddie Head and His Family (1930)
5. “Chasin’ Rainbows” by R. Crumb and his Cheap Suit Serenaders (1976)
6. “Singing in the Bathtub” by R. Crumb and his Cheap Suit Serenaders (1978)
7. “So Sorry Dear” by Eden & John’s East River String Band, featuring R. Crumb

Facebook Page Shower Curtain

For social networking geeks who find the only time they're not on Facebook or Twitter is when they are in the shower - this could be the ideal gift.

Spinning Hat's Facebook shower curtain features a transparent section so you can create a profile picture while scrubbing away.

The social shower curtain priced at £14.99 is up for reserve at www.spinninghat.com/product/social-shower-curtain

Picture: Spinning Hat/Rex Features

Dating Tips to Have Harmonious Relationship in 2012

Another New Year has begun. This creates new energy to start afresh. This includes building better relationships.

What is relationship? It is said that relationship is the exchange of positive qualities.

It is an essential part of our life. Therefore to have a harmonious relationship is crucial.

We have tried our best to save relationships. We do this by trying to control and change others.

It is a reality that we cannot change anyone. However if I start to change this creates a positive impact on others.

Here are some friendly tips to have harmonious relationships.

Self: This is the first relationship that we have.Be gentle with yourself. Take time out to talk lovingly to yourself instead of feeling guilty when you commit a mistake. Never compare yourself to others. Stop criticizing yourself.

God: Create a silence space in your mind. Experiment listening to God.Learn to Meditate.

Family: Stop judging. In fact, one of the opposites of hate is judgment. More often than not, the negative things we know are merely our interpretations. Learn to accept your family members as they really are.

Partner: Learn not to have expectations. Understand that the other has his own life to live. No one belongs to you. Give a respectful space to them.

Friends: Listen more. Don't spend time with your friends complaining/gossiping about things/people. Have the aim to have a deeper kind of friendship.

Work: Value and enjoy your work. Give your best but never compete with your colleagues.

2012: How Times have Changed!

Women Cycling through the ages!

The following list of 41 don'ts for female cyclists was published in 1895 in the newspaper New York World by an author of unknown gender.

Equal parts amusing and appalling, the list is the best (or worst, depending on you look at it) thing since the Victorian map of woman's heart.

• Don’t be a fright.
• Don’t faint on the road.
• Don’t wear a man’s cap.
• Don’t wear tight garters.
• Don’t forget your toolbag
• Don’t attempt a “century.”
• Don’t coast. It is dangerous.
• Don’t boast of your long rides.
• Don’t criticize people’s “legs.”
• Don’t wear loud hued leggings.
• Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”
• Don’t refuse assistance up a hill.
• Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit.
• Don’t neglect a “light’s out” cry.
• Don’t wear jewelry while on a tour.
• Don’t race. Leave that to the scorchers.
• Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
• Don’t imagine everybody is looking at you.
• Don’t go to church in your bicycle costume.
• Don’t wear a garden party hat with bloomers.
• Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars.
• Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private.
• Don’t wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing.
• Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”
• Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys.
• Don’t go out after dark without a male escort.
• Don’t without a needle, thread and thimble.
• Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.”
• Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down your back.
• Don’t allow dear little Fido to accompany you
• Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers.
• Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know.
• Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well.
• Don’t overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor.
• Don’t ignore the laws of the road because you are a woman.
• Don’t try to ride in your brother’s clothes “to see how it feels.”
• Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run.
• Don’t cultivate everything that is up to date because yon ride a wheel.
• Don’t emulate your brother’s attitude if he rides parallel with the ground.
• Don’t undertake a long ride if you are not confident of performing it easily.
• Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty.

Improving your Golf Swinging!

Holy Mackerel!

Credit to Terry Border at  Bentobjects.blogspot.com/

Mother-in-Laws' Viewpoint!

A popular viewpoint and picnic spot to take your mother-in-law to!

A tourist stands on a huge rock wedged more than 1,000 metres up between two cliff faces. The rock is known as the Kjeragbolten boulder and it is in the Kjerag mountains, in Norway.

Saying Goodbye to your Readers - Last Day Exuberance!

Dutch New Year Fireworks

 

A typical scene in any Dutch street in any Dutch town at New Year. A sight that starts after the 12 o' clock /midnight strikes and lasts for 2 hours at least, well into the wee small hours.

Fireworks are normally brought in from Belgium, Germany and other surrounding countries and are highly explosive and very, very loud. Some of the 'super bangers' damage the road surfaces. The impact craters are visible in the morning and add to the growing number of potholes and other obstacles already on the road.

The Dutch don't really do Xmas in the same way as some other countries but like Scotland, they do enjoy their New Year celebrations. Probably one of the few times they are known to happily burn money for fun!