Advice on How Best to Chat Someone up!

Even for the most confident sort, chatting someone up can be terrifying but here are some tried-and-tested tips on how, and how not, to ease the fear.

Here are some options for you to try.

Try being direct
Sometimes, going back to basics is best. Forget all the fancy, over-planned introductions, and go for a simple ‘Hello, how are you?’

No one can tell you to go away, or tell you they’re already seeing someone to fob you off, because you haven’t asked that, you only asked how they are.

Nine times out of ten, you end up having a nice conversation. Think of it as chatting rather than chatting up and it becomes much less scary.

Show your playful side
I was recently in a bar, chatting to my mates – everything perfectly calm and normal. Then suddenly this guy appeared beside an attractive woman.

'Hello,’ he said. ‘Look.’ Then he started leaping up and down, hands by his sides. ‘I'm a penguin and I'm trying to break the ice.’

Much to my surprise, he broke it! She couldn’t stop laughing at how totally ridiculous it was, and soon the laughing led to chatting.

Eventually, it led to swapping numbers and three months on, they’re still dating! So if in doubt about how to chat someone up, my advice would be; do something silly! You know you want to, and your good at it!

Try cheesey
‘Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?’, ‘Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?’, ‘I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours instead?’

I used to think they were all urban myths, clichés that people laughed about but nobody actually said. Unfortunately, it does work.

One night, a few years ago, when a grinning drunk man came into the pub and announced to an attractive woman: ‘Is it hot in here or is it just you?’

It was the worst line I’d ever heard.

In the end though, it didn’t matter; what mattered is that they were chatting!

Be polite
It can be a bit of a minefield nowadays. Opening a door or giving up your seat for a girl isn’t seen as nice, it’s seen as sexist.

But standing at a bar, waiting to get served, everything goes a bit retro; every girl appreciates you letting her go first in the queue for the barman!

So you can always say ‘After you’ to a girl you fancy, and maybe she’ll think you’re such a nice guy, you’ll easily start chatting.

Of course she may also think you are a sap, especially if she is Dutch or German. But that's a blog for another day.

Think tactical
I’m not talking full-on disruption pattern clothing and military tactics, but I think a bit of an agenda does help when you’re trying to chat someone up.

If there is someone you fancy but are too scared to talk to, go and say hi to one of her friends instead, or ask if she has the time or knows where the toilets are.

Yes it’s a bit of a cheat’s way out, but it does get you in the picture, and then you can move on to phase 2- actually trying to impress her!’ But do remember to zip up your fly first!

Be Witty Not rude
My sister told me she was out at a club dancing around with her mates, having a really lovely night, when this guy walked over and declared: ‘Don’t worry, I can’t dance either’.

He then laughed, implying it was a joke – but she was mad and almost decked him!

Remember some gentle teasing can be good flirting, but there’s a fine line between teasing and outright rudeness – a line this guy over-stepped and it almost cost him his front teeth!

Dating Tips to Have Harmonious Relationship in 2012

Another New Year has begun. This creates new energy to start afresh. This includes building better relationships.

What is relationship? It is said that relationship is the exchange of positive qualities.

It is an essential part of our life. Therefore to have a harmonious relationship is crucial.

We have tried our best to save relationships. We do this by trying to control and change others.

It is a reality that we cannot change anyone. However if I start to change this creates a positive impact on others.

Here are some friendly tips to have harmonious relationships.

Self: This is the first relationship that we have.Be gentle with yourself. Take time out to talk lovingly to yourself instead of feeling guilty when you commit a mistake. Never compare yourself to others. Stop criticizing yourself.

God: Create a silence space in your mind. Experiment listening to God.Learn to Meditate.

Family: Stop judging. In fact, one of the opposites of hate is judgment. More often than not, the negative things we know are merely our interpretations. Learn to accept your family members as they really are.

Partner: Learn not to have expectations. Understand that the other has his own life to live. No one belongs to you. Give a respectful space to them.

Friends: Listen more. Don't spend time with your friends complaining/gossiping about things/people. Have the aim to have a deeper kind of friendship.

Work: Value and enjoy your work. Give your best but never compete with your colleagues.

The nature of Friendship or Domination

Friendship is about taking turns!

Chinese American Friendship?

Bind Dates and Dating Disasters

Get Fresh for the Weekend!

Why is it that the moment we feel we have finally met our perfect match, we begin to harbour suspicions that he/she is not fully committed?

The thought sometimes creeps in that all is not well. Surely, at this point, the sensible course of action would be to step back and see how matters pan out or have a frank and open conversation about your concerns with him and not just with your flirty girlfriends.

If you think a bit of amateur sleuth detective work would be more fun/productive, we strongly urge you to restrain yourself from the following Inspector Clouseau type investigations.

1. The money trail!
Bank/credit statements reveal much about someone’s life but identifying the tell-tale meal with a beautiful blonde/brunette/redhead is going to be difficult. Most likely it’s dinner with the serious male 14 stone client from Hartlepool he was chaperoning last week.

2. 1471.
There are only so many times you can dive for the phone before he smells a rat. Anyway, what exactly are you going to do when you find out that the voice of the mature woman on the phone you have called back turns out to be his mum - not a minx from Manchester?

3. The gate is shut.
Forget about trying to extract info from his loyal secretary under the guise of a general chit chat about restaurants near his office. Firstly, she won’t be fooled and secondly, you stand as much chance of her revealing secrets as you do of becoming Queen.

4. You ain’t Bill Gates.
So, you think of yourself as some sort of computer whiz? Think again. Even if you do finally work out what his computer password is (it’s probably Everton or Arsenal) don’t stoop to checking his e-mails. If you delete one from his boss - no amount of grovelling apologies are going to rescue you from the chop.

5. Don’t be a Cling On!
No, not a Trekkie being from deep space but one of those girls who sticks like glue to their boyfriends except when they go to the gents.* Men don’t like being stifled.

*Exception: if you are six foot tall and fantastically beautiful then he won’t mind preening continuously with you clamped to his side, within reason.

6. No glasses, stethoscopes needed.
No eavesdropping or spying through the keyhole when he is in conversation with his mates/on the phone. What makes you think they are talking about you anyway? Men don’t dissect relationships with the same professional thoroughness as us girls. They are probably talking football/money/truck racing. Also, unless you are particularly supple, what would you say to the osteopath when he asks you how you managed to get your neck frozen into an angle of 180 degrees from bending over for half an hour?

7. Deep cover.
So you want to snoop in his desk drawer for old/new love letters/photographs of your predecessors? Ask yourself why and where will that get you? I (Penny) emptied the contents of Stephen’s desk drawers into a black bin liner when we were being redecorated and someone threw it away mistaking it for rubbish. So, so sorry darling.

8. See the light.
If you hold up those window envelopes to the light – and some ordinary letters too - we are told (!) that you might just see who the sender is. However, when you bend the letters (so we are told) you could also discover they’re invariably much less exciting then you thought. They are bills, invitations to invest money he hasn’t got and reminders to join some Owl or Badgers Protection group.

9. Cross-examination.
He is not going to tell you immediately why he did not marry any of his long term exes and nagging him about it will only be like a red rag to a bull. You may in fact discover that the reason he did not marry them was because they nagged him about why he had not committed to any of his previous long term exes. Leave him alone. The past is precisely that.

10. Deep pockets.
Oh. We nearly forgot. I once chanced upon a letter from one of Stephen’s exes in the saucepan cupboard where he had obviously shoved it in haste whilst reading it in the kitchen. Naturally I glanced at it but only because it was open and it might have been an important letter from a lawyer about a missing legacy or such like. OK, not being type-written I realised it was not business - but it wasn’t as if I had been delving in his pockets for incriminating material. The only reason to inspect a man’s jacket pockets is if you are about to take it to the dry cleaners (and you would do this only if he asks really nicely).

Blind Dates: Do they work? Part 1

OK, let's talk about the Why, What and How of Blind Dates.

From the picture you can see that some unplanned blind dates are going to end in disappointment. Too much is hidden and guarded. Too many questions are left unanswered. (One guy is wearing corduroy! Yuck! and both could do with a short beating from the 'style stick')

Why Blind Dates?
There are probably as many reasons why people would take such a leap of faith, as there are people in the world but they should reduce down to a simple few. (the reasons not the people) At the most fundamental level, all people want love & intimacy, friendship, companionship and the security of belonging.

Anyone who has been to Coatbridge (or watched sport and football) will know that we humans are tribal. We not only need to feel loved, loveable and attractive but we want to form close /intimate relationships. We want to participate in life's fun and exciting activities. We want to feel alive, accomplished, good about ourselves. We need to be included and thought of as part of the tribe.

What do we get from Blind Dates?
Well Blind Dates have to meet and match with some of the criteria mentioned above. It is a big role for one activity to play, and maybe you need to reduce your expectations, certainly in the short term and take a more long term approach.

Clearly, a blind date is a thrilling and exciting event, full of possibility and expectation but the excitement should not spill over into anxiety and stress. If this happens, then the chance of you enjoying the experience is greatly reduced. Feeling at ease in these situations will come with practice and experience, so persevere.

Let's make-up and be friends!
Accountants and first impressions count! If you are startled by your date's appearance. Try to resist the urge to scream and run! This may trigger their 'chase' response. Use small talk to diffuse the situation. Ask "Do you normally wear a bell to warn people, when you are out in public" or 'You know Hallowe'en is over? You can take that comic mask off now!"

Dating is certainly a great opportunity to pay yourself some much needed personal attention. Get your hair done (if you still have any, if not buy a good toupee. No, you cannot hire one from the theatrical costumiers). Dress up (nice). You are going to meet new people with similar interests (you hope) and you will be in a socially secure gathering, surrounded by supportive friends or potential witnesses.

DMZs and Neutral ground
It is always better to meet new people in a group setting, its less stressful and confronting. It should also be in a public place to reduce the 'territorial' effect that one party may feel. This feeling of entering someone else's territory will heighten their feeling of alienation, reduce their confidence and will do nothing to meet their need for and sense of, belonging.

Observe the 'give and take' protocol of normal conversation, until you both start to relax and find common ground. If the two of you hit it off straight away (unlikely), then you can arrange to break from the group for some 'alone' time (No, keep your clothes on, it's too soon for that). If you have put in some effort on both sides and really don't get on, then you can politely withdraw into the crowd or feign the rapid onset of madness.

How do we go about getting a Blind Date?
Your friends have been trying to set you up for years but you have been fighting it but don't despair, there are other sources of suitable matchmakers. Well the biggest source of Blind Dates now is the internet. You can easily and quickly contact and chat away to people from all over the world, without anxiety, confrontation and with complete control over when and how long you want to be communicating. If its not working out then it is easy to 'disconnect'.

The downside and difficulty is the anonymity of the internet (you don't know who you are talking to - man, woman or child) and the lack of valuable 'visual' information that you get from a good ol' fashioned face-to-face meeting.

Non-verbal communications
80% of our communications is non-verbal, so remember that on-line chat is only a small part of it. If all is going well, then the next step is to arrange to talk on the phone. That way your ears get involved in the process and they have good sensing abilities, when applied appropriately.

Delayed gratification takes more time
Taking the careful and rational path is OK for some but this slow process of 'exploring' and 'revealing' may not appeal to everyone. It is certainly safer in some ways and can be less stressful to the cautious suitor but you may be more spontaneous. That's OK! if you are willing to take the risk and suffer the blows, emotional outbursts and disappointments that may quickly follow.

Building a relationship is like building anything, it needs good foundations, it takes time and effort on both sides. On the positive side, you can always hedge your bets and keep a number of dialogues going at the same time, with very little chance of the others knowing about it. Purely in the name of research, of course. You rascal you!