Words of Wisdom

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

Never read the fine print.
There ain't no way you're going to like it.


If you let a smile be your umbrella,
then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.

The only two things we do with greater frequency
in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.

To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in about 40 years,
we'll have thousands of old ladies
running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable
to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead.

What should I do if She says No!

Well, here is one thing you can do with all those spare condoms that you are never going to use.

Having learned this new skill of Novelty Balloon sculpture, you now have a very unique way of saying, Hello!

Unfortunately, you will be breathing heavily at this point and may even be gasping and heaving like a landed fish.

None of these things are attractive to women and are also a common characteristic of a perverted stalker, allegedly.

So you will have to have a very snappy line to set it all off. Think of something uplifting and inspiring and please avoid any references to toilets, germs, H1N1 viruses and any other disgusting items.

Now! Get out there and blow!