What managers say: what it means

"My job is to be a buffer between you and upper management."
"Your job is to make me look good to upper management and get me promotion."

"We value your criticism and ideas."
"Watch yer ass! If you're so smart, how come I'm a manager and you're not?"

"We set reasonable deadlines, and we never underbid our projects... so our employees don't need to work weekends."
"Since when was Saturday a part of the weekend?"

"We provide our employees with the state-of-the-art tools they need to do their job."
"When I did this job, a Windows 98 box and a 640x480 monitor was plenty. Why do you need a workstation, you're just typing code for christ sake..."

"I know you're working hard now, but we'll make it up to you later."
"Riiiiiiiight! don't hold your breath."

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here. I'm on your side. But upper management just doesn't get it."
"You just don't get it, get into line."

"We empower our employees to do whatever it takes for the customer."
"You gave that guy a refund?! What the #@&! were you thinking?"

"Nobody is getting a raise this year."
"Nobody at your level is getting a raise this year."

"My job is to hire good people and get out of their way."
"But so far, I've never had an employee that didn't need micromanaging."

"I won't tell you how to do your job."
"...as long as you do it exactly the way I would do it."

"We provide ongoing, comprehensive training for our employees."
"Joe will show you around this afternoon, and then you're on your own. Oh, and your first Progress report is due tomorrow."

"You've got upper management written all over you."
"Finally, someone who does exactly what I tell them to do, without question."

"Don't hesitate to speak up during meetings."
"...as long as it's to fire my bullets, support my actions, compliment me on the great job I'm doing or if you have another job lined up."

"I really went to bat for you, but upper management just wouldn't budge."
"Oh, yeah, like I would actually risk my job for you...you're on your own with this one!"

"When this project is over, we'll talk about the promotion. I promise."
"I've already forgotten we had this conversation."

"We have a great career track for non-managers."
"Its virtually un-used! Let's face it, subordinates just don't have leadership potential."

The most interesting manager I ever had was one that I would follow anywhere......but only out of curiousity! Just kidding!