There’s lots of talk about greener driving these days, and it has nothing to do with taking the more scenic route to work, which is very nice indeed.Green driving means maintaining and handling your car in a way that makes it run more efficiently, which in turn could mean significantly reducing your impact on the environment.
The good thing about green driving is that it isn’t difficult to do. A few simple steps can mean lower carbon emissions - and lower fuel costs too. It really is a win-win for both the planet and your pocket, so here’s our straightforward guide to driving the leaner, greener way.
Buy a new car…
Yes, it is a bit drastic but if you do happen to be in the hunt for a new car, go for one with the good fuel economy. Car showrooms have fuel economy labels with band ratings from A – G, A being the most fuel efficient and G the least, just like your washing machine. If you don't know about washing machines then ask your wife, partner or gay friend to help you.
G-Whizz!
We know, you thought that the "G-rating" was something to do with the g-forces you felt when accelerating away from the lights. Not so!
Know your A-end
Remember, when you do come to replace your old car, think about choosing a new model at the greener, A-end of the scale. It'll probably increase your life expectancy too. Yes, sorry if that puts paid to your plans to buy a Porsche, Ferrari or V8 Monster truck, with your remaining pension money, Dreamer!
For Planet and Pocket
Believe me, Driving Green, it really is worth it, for both planet and pocket. Fuel efficient cars emit less CO2, and buying one of the top rated models could equate to a saving of three months’ worth of fuel over a year. Even if you do have to push it up some of the steeper hills and you don't see good old Greasy Bob at the gas station, as often.
Look after the one you have…
Many of us will be making do and enduring the cars we have, of course, especially during the recession but even gas-guzzlers can be made more fuel efficient. All you have to do is look after them better.
Remember the old song; "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you've got!" Even if it is a leaky old wreck that needs propping up and could do with a good makeover. Pimp my Trabant!
A Slick Response
A bit of oil and grease will go a long way, ask Bob. He's covered in the stuff, some of it dating back to the 60's. The happy couple were going caravan holidays again this year and I asked him; "What's in it for your missus, Bob?" and he said "Oil and Grease usually!" Then he spat playfully in my direction. He is a character!
A Good Big Servicing
Keep it maintained. We’re not talking about anything fancy, smancy - just the normal sorts of things you should be doing anyway. Get your car serviced regularly, it's really worth it.
Check and top up brake fluid, engine oil and engine coolant levels on a weekly basis. If you don't know anything about car bits and servicing then ask your wife, partner or gay friend to help you. Remember, 'The family that maintains together, remains together!'
Check your Tyres
Make sure your tyres are fully inflated to the pressure recommended by the manufacturer. The better maintained your car is, the more efficiently it will run. This is not just a ploy put about by shark infested garages, it is also true. Garages will rip you off. Its in their nature, like tigers kill and eat goats, big fish eat little fish, estate agents, lawyers, etc. It's a jungle out there!
Garage Facilities
The most cost efficient way of maintaining your car is to do-it-yourself or as much of it as is practical. There are lots of car classes at the college, day and night. There are also more and more garage locations where you can drive in and do your own repairs, you just hire the space and pay for the time taken. They even let you use there ramps and specialist tools, for small fee. You get to do the grunt work yourself.
Get Down and Dirty
These wonderful locations are manned by smartly-dressed, big butch mechanics that can provide very gripping technical advice, good broad sympathetic shoulders and raw rippling muscles to help you. If you don't know where to find these places then ask your wife, partner or gay friends to help you.
Drive green…
Being a greener driver is about far more than just dressing up in a fancy Kermit the Frog costume (Lady Ga-Ga!) and driving a greener car. The way you drive can make a huge difference to your car’s fuel economy and to your carbon footprint, whether it’s the latest diesel electric hybrid or the rustiest of old Trabant bangers, with a sail attached. My carbon footprint has fallen arches. Ouch!
Drive Smoothly
First of all, drive smoothly, without sudden and spontaneous movements. So tell your co-pilot to stop fooling around in your cockpit! Stop swerving in and out of those lines of cones, no matter how much fun it is.
Predictive Texting
Try to anticipate the traffic ahead to avoid heavy breaking and hard acceleration. I have a friend who can anticipate traffic so well, that she can provide you with a 3 day forecast. Amazing! She only has to fill her tank on the weekends. Ah well! Whatever relieves your stress!
Wear the Right Gear
For the fashion conscious, change your gears at the right time, too. Shift up at about 2500rpm for petrol cars and 2000rpm for diesel cars. If you don't know where your RPM Counter or Tacho is, ask your wife, partner and gay friends to help. Never ask a stranger because they will probably direct you to the nearest Mexican restaurant. Arriba!
Slip into it carefully
Talking of gears, make sure you use all of them especially the pretty, higher ones, whenever you can. According to the statistics, a vehicle travelling at 37mph in third gear uses 25 per cent more fuel than it would in fifth. Its worse if there is someone in it at the time.
This is a wild generalisation and varies from car to car. Check your car's manual for better advice and lots of nice pictures.
Idling Away
Try not to be as idle as your engine, if you can help it. When you’re waiting for your wife, partner or gay friends to come out of school, (Don't ask!) switch the engine off. Leaving it running is an easy way to use fuel unnecessarily and choke yourself and everyone in the street, not that you care! It also makes you look like a bank robber of kiddie snatcher of some sort!
Baby Buggy
You’ll be using even more fuel if you’re taking that baby buggy, golf bag and spare tyre everywhere with you, on the off chance of finding an abandoned baby, a golf course or you get a puncture. What are the odds?
Take heavy items out of the car unless you need them i.e. your wife, partner or gay friends. Take off that stupid Mary Antoinette costume and the roof rack, too. Both increase your drag factor enormously and you can always refit them when you need it.
Modern Cars
Finally, modern cars come fitted with all sorts of noise makers, electrical bells and whistles. Use them sparingly. In particular, turn off the air conditioning unless you really need it having it on will use 15 percent more fuel but don't wait until your passengers pass out with heat exhaustion before re-engaging it. You could consider having a coin-operated version fitted for greater economy.
Or don’t drive at all…
This is the best advice of all. You could leave the car at home but your family are so active and you need to fulfill your obligations as a leader by shuttling back and forward from every minor social even that has ever been imagined.
Just say No!
We know that saying 'no' just isn’t always possible, but almost 61 percent of car journeys are under two miles. So if we could give up at least some of these jaunts we’d do the environment, and ourselves, a lot of good. Now al lyou have to do is convinced your free-loading family!
Prepare, prepare, prepare
That said, many car journeys are simply unavoidable, and for those it pays to prepare.....
If you’re making a trip to somewhere for the very first time, make sure you research the route beforehand, use your GPS, so the authorities can track you, and take a good map and compass just in case.
Never ask locals for directions. If you want to know where you are ask your wife, partner or gay friends for help. Also there is no point on driving there the day before, that doesn't save you anything.
In Summary Tacit
As you can see, Driving Green is just common sense really. Always consider that Motorists produce tons of gaseous emissions every year, just by driving around lost and the CO2 from the car is almost as bad. If you doubt this, well you know who to ask!
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