Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Miniature Red Seahorse: Cute!

Cheery Kenny the smiling Blenny

Crisis? What crisis?

My Bank Manager is behind me all the way!

Cat Flu outbreak in France? Mais non!

French authorities in Nice denied the outbreak of Cat Flu in the region and added that there was no truth to the rumour that cat food had been genetically modified.

Swine Flu update

Controversy surrounds UK Scientists' approach to Swine Fever outbreak in Mexico City.

An official spokesman said "They may be on the wrong track!"

Grooming gossip at the parlour

"So Rita" asks Maude "did you have that long sunny cruise you were talking about?"

"Unfortunately not!" replies Rita "That damn pig flu scare has screwed up everything!' replies Rita "They are just such neurotic creatures, one cough and a sniffle and suddenly, its a global crisis. Their worse than the humans!"

"Ah well, Rita" says Maude "Maybe next time. By the way, when is the last time you had your highlights and split ends done? It looks like you've been bleached in the sun and then dragged through a thorn bush backwards!"

"Bah!" says Rita.

Panic over Swine flu!

As panic grows in Mexico City, a well-armed street vendor managed to defend himself against an alleged frenzied 'mad' pig attack in Mexico.

A police spokesman said 'He may have over-reacted. At first we thought it was Los Terroristas, you know, using the "Pig Bombs" that you hear so much about. But no, it was just a lone pig flipping out. Maybe a personality clash, revenge or a lover's tiff. We may never know but we will investigate it further at the BBQ tonight. Bring Tequilla!'

Writing spreads the word

"My butter, waiter, is writ large in!"
A diner was heard to complainin'
"I had to write there"
Exclaimed waiter Pierre
"There was no room in the margerine"

Monday, April 20, 2009

What's next?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hangover cures?

Never drink Tequila on an empty stomach!

The idea of having a jacuzzi on the roof sounded like a great idea, but maybe not in Reykjavik!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Vrolijk Paas!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

What managers say: what it means

"My job is to be a buffer between you and upper management."
"Your job is to make me look good to upper management and get me promotion."

"We value your criticism and ideas."
"Watch yer ass! If you're so smart, how come I'm a manager and you're not?"

"We set reasonable deadlines, and we never underbid our projects... so our employees don't need to work weekends."
"Since when was Saturday a part of the weekend?"

"We provide our employees with the state-of-the-art tools they need to do their job."
"When I did this job, a Windows 98 box and a 640x480 monitor was plenty. Why do you need a workstation, you're just typing code for christ sake..."

"I know you're working hard now, but we'll make it up to you later."
"Riiiiiiiight! don't hold your breath."

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here. I'm on your side. But upper management just doesn't get it."
"You just don't get it, get into line."

"We empower our employees to do whatever it takes for the customer."
"You gave that guy a refund?! What the #@&! were you thinking?"

"Nobody is getting a raise this year."
"Nobody at your level is getting a raise this year."

"My job is to hire good people and get out of their way."
"But so far, I've never had an employee that didn't need micromanaging."

"I won't tell you how to do your job."
"...as long as you do it exactly the way I would do it."

"We provide ongoing, comprehensive training for our employees."
"Joe will show you around this afternoon, and then you're on your own. Oh, and your first Progress report is due tomorrow."

"You've got upper management written all over you."
"Finally, someone who does exactly what I tell them to do, without question."

"Don't hesitate to speak up during meetings."
"...as long as it's to fire my bullets, support my actions, compliment me on the great job I'm doing or if you have another job lined up."

"I really went to bat for you, but upper management just wouldn't budge."
"Oh, yeah, like I would actually risk my job for you...you're on your own with this one!"

"When this project is over, we'll talk about the promotion. I promise."
"I've already forgotten we had this conversation."

"We have a great career track for non-managers."
"Its virtually un-used! Let's face it, subordinates just don't have leadership potential."

The most interesting manager I ever had was one that I would follow anywhere......but only out of curiousity! Just kidding!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Signs of the time

National Association of Shoplifters? Now that's what I call getting organised

Its better than Pisse in the dark

Look out Michael Jackson's about!

Well preserved women wanted

...........but don't tell anyone!

That's Life!

No Parking or barking?

You have been warned!

You don't have to be, to work here but it helps!

Seems a bit inconvenient!

The eleventh commandment! Outside St. Paul's in London (England)

The 'take a chance' restaurant. The Hulk's favourite?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Comedy Store!

Well, according to my GPS this is the right location!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Telecom Roaming charges

Damn your contract cancellation clause!

After returning from discovering America, Christopher Columbus checks his Telecom bill with his provider (3) and is flabbergasted by the cost of roaming charges.

No! You cannot pay with potatoes, whatever they are!

Cane Toad racing in Oz

Size of a Cane Toad

This is not generally the best way to hold a cane toad but it does illustrate the size that they can grow to.

It is easy to see how these monsters can become a pest species.

The Cane Toad is also used for racing in Australia and there are many bars and drinking dens around that provide this 'sport' as a way to gamble and entertain the locals. It is mainly seen in the out of city locations and is less popular in suburbia.

Unfortunately the winning toad's prize for being outstanding in its field, is to get its head bashed in sooner than the others. Not much of an incentive for the toad but then its not supposed to be.

You will see from the Toad's 'names' that this is not a PC world in any way and that the old stereotypes still prevail in rural Oz.

Certified cane Toad Jockey

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Waking the dog

Hi Chihuahua!

If Beards were Brains