Monday, October 31, 2011

Life is Scary - YouTube

iPad Horror - Simon Pierro - YouTube

Happy Hallowe'en!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Heidi Klum’s Coloured Hallowe'en Anatomy - video

Heidi Klum is known for going all out for her favourite holiday, Halloween. This year she’s donning a hand-painted anatomical suit by designer Martin Izquierdo when she hosts a Halloween party at TAO Nightclub at the Venetian in Las Vegas.

If you watch the video, she says she wants it to look uber bloody and gory, but right now it looks more like everyone’s favourite anatomy colouring book.

To watch the transformation from Heidi to body click here.

Heidi Samuel (née Klum, born June 1, 1973), better known by her birth name Heidi Klum, is a German-American model, actress, television host, businesswoman, fashion designer, television producer, and occasional singer.

In 2008 she became an American citizen while maintaining her native German citizenship. She is married to English musician Seal with whom she shares the legal last name, Samuel.

Online dating: What not to say!

You turn up for a first date. You like what you see, you’re feeling the body language… and then their mouth spills out a stream of passion-killing nonsense.

Here are some utterances that you really don’t want to hear on a first date.

1. “You look just like my older brother/sister.”

What, like an older version of yourself, but with middle-aged spread and controlling tendencies? Charmed.

2. “Don't take this the wrong way, but...”

These words tagged onto the front of a sentence mean: “I am about to insult you, and if you take it badly, it’s your fault.”

3. Any sentence in which they get your name wrong.

A blow too far for even the sturdiest dating ego.

4. “I love New York. We should definitely go there one day.”

Good to hear that someone likes you, not so good to hear them planning out your joint future when there’s still froth on your first pint.

5. “My mum would love you.”

Yeah that’s nice. ‘Bye.

6. “Not for me, I’m on the wagon.”

It’s honest and worthy of your date to admit that they’re a recovering alcoholic, but you didn’t want to hear it on a first date. Especially just before you order the double vodka that you’ve been looking forward to all day.

7. “No thanks, I’m too fat already.”

If they feel moved to say this on a first date, imagine how much they’ll bellyache about it once you’re seeing each other. Too much like hard work.

8. “Look at that baby! Aw ickle wickle schweeet.”

They’re just after your chromosomes.

9. Them answering their mobile.

You’ve had a drink and a chat, you’re now enjoying a romantic dinner, and it’s all going brilliantly – until their phone rings, and they answer it. Tell me, how invisible do you feel?

10. “The necklace? It was from my ex.”

They might as well be wearing a T-shirt that says: “I may be dating you, but I cry into my pillow about my ex every night.”

11. “What are you thinking about?”

No-one wants to be asked this question without warning, especially on a first date. It’s impossible to answer honestly, because you’re probably thinking about the itch on your foot or the weird hinge on the table.

12. “Oh sorry, I forgot my purse.”

They’ll only think to say this when the bill comes, of course. Run for the hills, and take your wallet with you.

13. “My therapist said…”

Did you meet them at your support group? That’s OK then.

14. “You don’t watch soaps, do you?”

It’s not nice to have your tastes criticised, especially by someone you’ve only known for 20 minutes. Such comments deserve a glass of wine in the face.

15. “Waiter? Get me your manager, I’m reporting you.”

Being rude to a waiter or barman is one of the rudest and most embarrassing things a date can do to you. Get your own back by running off with the waiter.

16. “Come onnn, it’s only midnight! I know this great little place…”

Sadly, this companion has not mastered the art of leaving you wanting more.

Online dating mistakes: Eating!

Dating is a road fraught with potential disasters. Here are a choice few… and tips on how to avoid them.

Case 1: Chopstick horror
“A guy I was dating took me to a really up-market Chinese restaurant in London. When the food arrived I noticed there was no cutlery just chopsticks. I’m not good with those at the best of times but was too embarrassed to ask for a fork so I thought I’d just muddle through."

"Big mistake! In one ill-fated big pincer movement I managed to catapult my wonton dumpling into a bowl of fish soup belonging to the woman sat at the next table along. She was wearing white and was not impressed. The shame!”

NB: It’s better to swallow your pride and ask for a fork than to spend the meal terrified that you’re going to make an idiot of yourself. Most restaurants will happily oblige and it could save you a large dry cleaning bill.

Case 2: Clockwatching
“I’m 32 and went on a blind date with a guy in his forties. We seemed to be hitting it off pretty well but then out of the blue he blurted out “Aren’t you worried about your biological clock. If you’re going to have kids, you don’t want to waste any time. Tick tock, tick tock.”

"I couldn’t believe it. How rude to assume that all any woman wants to do is have kids. How would he have liked it if I said “Aren’t you worried about finding a life partner before losing all your hair?” Grrrr! We didn’t’ see each other again. ”

NB: Of course you can’t predict or control what comes out of your date’s mouth but you can ensure that you’re not the one making inappropriate comments. It is never okay to ask a woman of any age a question like that.

Case 3: Boy scout doubt
“My friend Stewart arranged to meet a girl he’d been chatting to online. His dating profile is a picture of himself in full ski-gear including bobble hat and goggles taken from a distance. He also may have lied slightly about his height."

"He noticed an attractive blonde woman scouting her way around the bar trying to work out which was her date. She eventually came over to him and said ‘If you’re Stewart? I’m afraid I don’t think this is going to work out.’ And promptly left!”

NB: Both parties are at fault here. The first rule of online dating is not to lie on your profile especially about fundamental things such as age and height. Profile pictures should also be close up and not enhanced or obscured in any way.

Also, when dating you should abide by the rule book and do as you would be done by. Even though Stewart was not what his date had anticipated he deserved the courtesy of at least one drink together.

Case 4: One too many
“I could tell my date was drunk when we met. She was slurring her words and reeked of booze. She confessed that she had been really nervous about meeting me and had a quick few drinks before meeting up. She did seem really nice though and I thought it was quite sweet she was nervous."

"We decide to go to a restaurant as I figured food might help her sober up a bit. After ordering she promptly excused herself and disappeared to the toilets. She was gone for so long I figured she’d probably done a runner and comforted myself by eating both our starters."

"Eventually one of the waitresses came over to ask if I was the boyfriend of the girl being sick in the toilets. It was awkward, but I had to go in there, hold her hair back while she chucked her guts up and then clean her up and put her in a cab home. I never heard from her again. A shame really as I could tell that behind the drunkenness was probably a very nice girl.”

NB: Alcohol before a date is a terrible idea. If you must drink to steady your nerves stick to one drink and alternate between alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages.

Case 5: Spaghetti malfunction
“I made the classic malfunction as a teenager of ordering spaghetti on a date. A dish that it’s impossible to eat looking even remotely elegant whilst eating and I was wearing a white top and managed to splash sauce all over it too.”

NB: No matter how tempted, try to order food that’s easy to eat. Dates are nerve-wracking enough without adding to the stress with food that’s tricky to manoeuvre.

Online dating safety tips: Don't give it away, too soon!

Habits, traits and behaviours that could be repelling potential matches and hampering your chances of finding love.

Revealing your romantic agenda too early
Seeming overly eager to pin down the ins and outs of the relationship after only a couple of dates, can be especially off-putting - particularly for men who generally prefer to take things slower. You may be in a rush to fall in love, settle down and have babies, but having the “Where is this going?” talk before you’ve had a proper chance to get to know each other is foolhardy and practically guaranteed to scare off any potential mates. Be prepared to give it some time before broaching this delicate subject.

Being stingy
It’s never prudent to live beyond your means and go on dates to clubs, bars, restaurants and other venues you can’t afford but picking the cheapest place and then producing a 2 for 1 voucher deal (especially on a first date) is a definite no-no. Sure you might save a tenner but it’ll cost you in the long run. Do you really want your date to think you’re a cheap skate? The man is usually expected to pick up the bill, but that doesn’t mean that ladies shouldn’t at least offer to pay or go halves. Avoid being seen as someone who never puts their hand in their pocket to pay for anything. Never let your date to feel as though they’re being taken advantage of financially.

Seeming too independent

Now here’s a funny one. Have you ever considered that you might seem so damn together that you’re way too intimidating to approach? Prospective partners could be feeling challenged by your all-round success and fabulousness. If you earn your own money, have your own place, drive your own car and live what seems a very full life they probably can’t see how or where they’d fit into your life. So it’s up to you to show them that you still have room for a fulfilling and lasting relationship too. That means letting them see your vulnerable side from time to time.

Bad body language
If you’re guilty of not making eye contact, hunching your shoulders and having your head bowed, you’re giving off all the wrong signals to a prospective mate. Your body language is literally screaming “I’m shy, nervous and awkward and really don’t’ want to be here.” Even if that’s how you’re feeling on the inside, it’s possible to trick yourself in to behaving and feeling more confident. First up smile and make eye contact. Secondly, draw those shoulders back and lift your chin. See, you look more confident already. Remember to breathe.

Always being late
Nobody is going to mind too much if you’re a few minutes late once in a while because of a missed bus or other unavoidable mishap, but recurrent lateness is likely to annoy your anyone you’ve been seeing for a while. Not being able to get it together to just be somewhere on time reveals a host of negative qualities that most people would prefer to avoid. Firstly it shows a lack of organisational skills and secondly it shows a lack of regard for the person whose time it is you’re wasting. So either buy a watch and get it together or risk letting Mr/Miss Perfect slip through your fingers. The choice is yours.

Not listening
You may have a lot to say and be keen to talk about yourself as much as possible in order to convey everything there is to know about you in as much detail as possible as soon as possible. But remember it’s important to ask questions and listen too. Not many people enjoy one-sided conversations where they’re forced to just sit and listen to another person bang on and on and on and on and on. If you want the relationship to work, take a break from all the “me me me” anecdotes and allow your date to tell you about themselves too. You might learn something.

Don't fart in Harrods.

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'What is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

The Motoring Traffic Signs

Hungry Canibal joke

A cannibal was walking through the jungle

And came upon a restaurant operated by a

Fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu....

+ Tourist: $8.00

+Broiled Missionary: $10.00

+Fried Explorer: $12.50

+Baked Politician $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,

"Why such a high price for the politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."

Friday, October 28, 2011

Rent A Mob

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Venn diagrams and the Animal Kingdom

DLR Portal: FAQ on ROSAT mission

Since its launch on 1 June 1990, friction due to Earth's upper atmosphere has been causing the X-ray satellite ROSAT to lose altitude continuously.

When the spacecraft re-enters the atmosphere, which is expected to occur in October 2011, the satellite will disintegrate and most of the fragments will burn up in the extreme heat caused by atmospheric friction.

This FAQ provides answers to the most common questions about the ROSAT mission and its re-entry.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Husky Dog Talking - " I love you " - YouTube

Meet Mishka, the Dog Who Can Say “I Love You - Cesar Milan Cesar's Way!

David Bowie "Space Oddity" Animation

Space Oddity from Andrew Ruttan on Vimeo.

When animator Andrew Ruttan caught sight of Andrew Kolb’s illustrated interpretation of David Bowie’s classic song Space Oddity he immediately knew what he wanted to do.

He emailed Kolb and asked if he could animate his illustrations. Here is the result, so there is no need to tell you that the answer was in the affirmative. I had immense fun wallowing in nostalgia and enjoying this not for profit animated short.

This is such a very cool 'collaboration' of three artists (two Andrews and a David!) working in three different spheres but bringing forth a complete whole.

Of course, Mr Bowie may not be aware of this latest take on his timeless song but I would like to think that he would approve. 

It is still (happily) available on itunes to download so perhaps a whole new generation can now discover the mystique and marvel of Major Tom.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

We got your Number - 1,000th Pickpocket Arrested

A pickpocket who was the 1,000th to be arrested by a special police team in Amsterdam will not be prosecuted because she was humiliated and traumatised enough by the celebrating officers, the public prosecution department said on Wednesday.

The police fixed a sign saying '1000' to the back of the woman's coat, which was captured on video and broadcast by a local television station.

A spokesman for the city police force has described the action as 'extremely inappropriate'.

The Assumption Song - YouTube

Thinking of Creativity - Hold a meeting - Cartoon

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Street workers Build themselves into a corner

Edinburgh street workers erected bollards to prevent cars from mounting the pavement but forgot to move their van first.

They had to demolish one of the poles to get out!

Smurf Art - Begging

Simon's Cat: Let me In! - YouTube

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The way you hold your drink reveals key personality traits

Dr Glenn Wilson, a consultant psychologist at King's College, London, observed over 500 drinkers in bars last month.

He analysed drinkers' body language and then advised on their openness to being approached.

He has categorised them as the 'Flirt', 'Gossip', 'Fun-Lover', 'Wallflower', 'Ice Queen', 'Playboy', 'Jack the Lad' and 'Browbeater'.

He said the most open to being chatted up were "the flirt, the playboy, and the funlover". Harder to crack are the jack the lad, the ice queen, the wallflower and the gossip. The browbeater should be avoided.

Dr Wilson said: "The simple act of holding a drink displays a lot more about us than we realise – or might want to divulge.

1. The Flirt: Usually a woman, who holds her glass with dainty, splayed fingers and uses it in a provocative way. She may position it over her cleavage so as to draw attention to her attributes or peer over the rim to make eye contact when taking a sip.

She may "tease" the rim of the glass with her finger, perhaps dipping it into the drink and sucking it dry. Assuming her agenda is appealing, the best way to approach is with reciprocal flirtatious gestures.

Celebrities: Jordan, Paris Hilton, Kate Walsh (from The Apprentice)

2. The Gossip: This (mainly female) drinker tends to cluster in all-female groups talking about other people, and can be critical. She holds a wine glass by the bowl and uses it to gesticulate and make points in conversation.

She is inclined to lean over her drink, in towards others so as to speak confidentially. This person already has a close-knit social group with little inclination to extend it, therefore advances from outsiders are not usually welcome.

Celebrities: Kate Moss, Sadie Frost.

3. The Fun-lover: This type of drinker may be a man or a woman, who drinks to be sociable and values togetherness. A convivial individual, he / she enjoys being with their friends, and likes a laugh.

Swigs taken from bottled drinks are short, so they don't miss out on chipping in with the conversation. The bottle is held loosely at its shoulder for ease. This type of person is always happy to extend their social circle.

The best way to approach them therefore is to leap directly into light, good-humoured conversation and make them laugh.

Celebrities: Sarah Harding, Helen Chamberlain (from Soccer AM)

4. The Wallflower: This is a shy, submissive individual who holds the glass protectively, not letting go, as though afraid somebody will take it away. Palms are kept hidden and the glass is used as a social crutch – the drink is never quite finished, with a mouthful left in case of emergency.

The drink is small (maybe half a pint of lager for a man). It may be drunk through a straw, which is fidgeted with, and used to stir the drink between sips. The style and pace of drinking is an echo of those around them (very little is initiated).

This individual needs to be approached in a gentle, sensitive way, with perhaps a few understated compliments to build self-confidence, but may eventually warm to overtures.

Celebrities: Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman

5. The Ice-queen: This is a mainly female type whose natural style is cold and defensive. She drinks from a wine glass, or a short glass, which is held firmly in a barrier position across the body so as to deter intimate approaches.

It is usually a waste of time approaching this woman; she may be ready with a castrating put-down.

Celebrities: Victoria Beckham, Debra Barr (from The Apprentice)

6. The Playboy: This man is the active, self-confident, Don Juan-type seducer. He uses his (usually long) glass or bottle as a phallic prop, playing with it suggestively. He is inclined to be possessive, and can be tactile with his female companions.

Celebrities: Russell Brand, David Walliams

7. The Jack the Lad: This "peacock" is conscious of his image and will drink a bottled beer, or cider. Inclined to be confident and arrogant, he can be territorial in his gestures, spreading himself over as much space as possible, for example, pushing the glass well away from himself and leaning back in his chair.

If he's drinking with his mates, he would be unlikely to welcome approaches from outside the group, unless sycophantic and ego-enhancing.

Celebrities: Peter Andre, David Cameron, Jason Statham. The "ladette" (e.g. Lily Allen) is a female approximation to this male archetype.

8. The Browbeater: This rather pugnacious type is again mostly male. He prefers large glasses, or bottles, which he uses as symbolic weapons, firmly grasped, and gesticulating in a threatening, "in the face" kind of way.

Something of a know-it-all, he comes across as slightly hostile, even if only through verbal argument, or jokes targeted at others. He should be approached with great care, or not at all.

Celebrities: John Prescott, Russell Crowe (with Naomi Campbell as a female equivalent), Gordon Brown.

Thursday, October 6, 2011