A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him about it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed
him in front of a train. - He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these feckers have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance. - Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the
humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.
3.1415927 dead
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind
a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a
shit."
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.’ - I bought her bathroom scales!
Instead of giving me some sexual satisfaction, my girlfriend tried exciting me using her keyring.
I felt like I was being fobbed off.
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby.
When I quizzed him about it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed
him in front of a train. - He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these feckers have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance. - Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the
humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.
3.1415927 dead
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind
a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a
shit."
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.’ - I bought her bathroom scales!
Instead of giving me some sexual satisfaction, my girlfriend tried exciting me using her keyring.
I felt like I was being fobbed off.
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby.
She asked if i'd like to wind it....
I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg instead.
Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C,"he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that
the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.
I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg instead.
Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C,"he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that
the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.
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