Online dating mistakes: Eating!

Dating is a road fraught with potential disasters. Here are a choice few… and tips on how to avoid them.

Case 1: Chopstick horror
“A guy I was dating took me to a really up-market Chinese restaurant in London. When the food arrived I noticed there was no cutlery just chopsticks. I’m not good with those at the best of times but was too embarrassed to ask for a fork so I thought I’d just muddle through."

"Big mistake! In one ill-fated big pincer movement I managed to catapult my wonton dumpling into a bowl of fish soup belonging to the woman sat at the next table along. She was wearing white and was not impressed. The shame!”

NB: It’s better to swallow your pride and ask for a fork than to spend the meal terrified that you’re going to make an idiot of yourself. Most restaurants will happily oblige and it could save you a large dry cleaning bill.

Case 2: Clockwatching
“I’m 32 and went on a blind date with a guy in his forties. We seemed to be hitting it off pretty well but then out of the blue he blurted out “Aren’t you worried about your biological clock. If you’re going to have kids, you don’t want to waste any time. Tick tock, tick tock.”

"I couldn’t believe it. How rude to assume that all any woman wants to do is have kids. How would he have liked it if I said “Aren’t you worried about finding a life partner before losing all your hair?” Grrrr! We didn’t’ see each other again. ”

NB: Of course you can’t predict or control what comes out of your date’s mouth but you can ensure that you’re not the one making inappropriate comments. It is never okay to ask a woman of any age a question like that.

Case 3: Boy scout doubt
“My friend Stewart arranged to meet a girl he’d been chatting to online. His dating profile is a picture of himself in full ski-gear including bobble hat and goggles taken from a distance. He also may have lied slightly about his height."

"He noticed an attractive blonde woman scouting her way around the bar trying to work out which was her date. She eventually came over to him and said ‘If you’re Stewart? I’m afraid I don’t think this is going to work out.’ And promptly left!”

NB: Both parties are at fault here. The first rule of online dating is not to lie on your profile especially about fundamental things such as age and height. Profile pictures should also be close up and not enhanced or obscured in any way.

Also, when dating you should abide by the rule book and do as you would be done by. Even though Stewart was not what his date had anticipated he deserved the courtesy of at least one drink together.

Case 4: One too many
“I could tell my date was drunk when we met. She was slurring her words and reeked of booze. She confessed that she had been really nervous about meeting me and had a quick few drinks before meeting up. She did seem really nice though and I thought it was quite sweet she was nervous."

"We decide to go to a restaurant as I figured food might help her sober up a bit. After ordering she promptly excused herself and disappeared to the toilets. She was gone for so long I figured she’d probably done a runner and comforted myself by eating both our starters."

"Eventually one of the waitresses came over to ask if I was the boyfriend of the girl being sick in the toilets. It was awkward, but I had to go in there, hold her hair back while she chucked her guts up and then clean her up and put her in a cab home. I never heard from her again. A shame really as I could tell that behind the drunkenness was probably a very nice girl.”

NB: Alcohol before a date is a terrible idea. If you must drink to steady your nerves stick to one drink and alternate between alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages.

Case 5: Spaghetti malfunction
“I made the classic malfunction as a teenager of ordering spaghetti on a date. A dish that it’s impossible to eat looking even remotely elegant whilst eating and I was wearing a white top and managed to splash sauce all over it too.”

NB: No matter how tempted, try to order food that’s easy to eat. Dates are nerve-wracking enough without adding to the stress with food that’s tricky to manoeuvre.